Coparenting sounds simple in theory: two adults putting their child first. But sometimes, it ends up being a situation where one parent does all of the work while the other one drifts in and out, acting shocked when lines get drawn in the sand.
This 27-year-old woman shares a six-year-old with her 29-year-old ex, and they split up five years ago. She’s the parent with primary custody, and her ex only sees their kid two weekends out of every month, since he’s happy with this arrangement and not ready to prioritize being a dad.
Her ex sometimes dumps their child on her during his custody times, which has caused their child to feel sad about not getting to see him consistently.
Her ex moved on three years ago and started dating a girl, whom he proposed to back in February. As soon as this girl had a ring on her finger, she started texting and calling her.
She didn’t have her ex’s fiancée’s number, though, so she was confused when she got a barrage of messages from an unknown number demanding to take her kid.
“He had told her I would be open to her coming over and taking my child out for the day, and he gave her my number so we could plan this. He never mentioned it to me, and it took entirely too long for me to figure out what was going on,” she explained.
“Getting a bunch of texts from an unknown number saying answer the…phone, call me, I’d like to meet up and figure this out is not something I expected.”
“When I did answer a call from her, she was set on taking my child out for the day, and she told me my ex said it was okay. I told her it was not okay, and I didn’t know her, and I wasn’t going to hand my child over to someone like that. Then I suggested she make the most of the time my ex has.”
Well, this upset her ex’s fiancée, and then her ex began sending messages via their coparenting app stating she had to let this girl spend time with their child outside of his custody time.
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In July, her ex accused her of destroying his relationship since she did not relent and grant their request.
A month ago, her ex’s fiancée called off the engagement and dumped him. This girl sent her a scathing text, saying it was all her fault.
This girl argued that she’s not remaining with her ex since she can’t even spend time with a kid whom she’s supposed to be a stepmom to.
Her ex also came at her, insisting she caused the break up and went out of her way to sabotage them. She reminded her ex that she didn’t care about his love life, and she expected him to curb that girl’s sense of entitlement over trying to take their kid out of her house.
Her ex is telling everyone who will listen that she wrecked his engagement, and while some people are confronting her about it, she suspects others know her ex is basically a deadbeat dad spinning tall tales.
One of her mom friends thinks she did ruin her ex’s relationship by preventing his now ex-fiancée from forming a bond with their kid.
“She said I had no reason to say no, like I did, once I knew who was texting and calling and what she wanted. This turned into a small fight because I asked her if she’d be okay with it, and she told me she would,” she continued.
“She said most single moms with primary or full custody would love for their kids to have people who want to take care of them. She said it was my ego that made me break them up because I didn’t want my child to have a stepmom.”
“I still think it’s crazy to blame me, and I think it’s also crazy to say I should have agreed to this. But I’m willing to be big enough to ask if I’m wrong and accept if people think I am wrong.”
Her only job is to protect her child’s stability, not her ex’s image, so no, I don’t think she’s in the wrong here, or to blame for ruining an engagement. I wouldn’t hand my kid over to a girl I don’t know, either!
Do you think she’s at fault?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
