If you fell in love with someone who didn’t subscribe to the concept of monogamy, yet promised to choose you over their lifestyle, would you still want to build a life with them?
Back when this woman got married to her husband, she was fully aware that he was not into monogamy. As soon as they started dating, he mentioned his interest in having multiple partners, so she dumped him.
Several months later, her husband confessed that he was in love with her and would pick her over his desire to live a life that involved multiple women being romantically tied to him.
“That was my mistake and mine alone, that I agreed because I was so in love with him. I had to live with my decision to choose my heart over my brain,” she explained.
“I have paid now with three of my best years taken from me. I can’t even recognize the graying woman I look at in the mirror.”
Three years ago, she gave birth to her second child with her husband, and he suddenly sprung it on her that he was no longer going to be monogamous.
She sobbed and angrily told her husband that she didn’t approve of his decision. Her husband replied that she was free to leave him then.
She had two little kids, and her husband was the breadwinner, as she was focusing on college, so she didn’t think she could leave him. She stayed, and one day her husband returned home with a girlfriend.
“My world shattered. Six months later, he introduced [girlfriend number two]. I knew nothing about that world or the rules, and I probably still don’t know because couples make their own rules and boundaries,” she added.
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“From what I understood, all I know is that after he introduced his [first girlfriend], it felt like my soul left my body and was watching from the sidelines. I just went through the motions and agreed to everything like I was in a haze.”
“He said I didn’t need to have any contact with them, he will never get a new gf behind my back, and always tell me the truth. He also said that we, the women, are the ones to plan dates and decide who he spends time with and when.”
Her husband added her to a group chat with his other girlfriends, and she refused to plan anything with them. Initially, her husband couldn’t even tell, but a year into the arrangement, issues arose.
Her husband noticed that she wasn’t spending time with him, and he could see she wasn’t interested in participating. She expressed to her husband that she was exhausted, and he should be thrilled with all his girlfriends.
They argued with increasing frequency about her husband’s love life, and he began to sleep over at the homes of his girlfriends instead of being at their house.
“He said that I agreed under false pretenses, but I told him that he could leave me. He would rage and beg and love bomb and even cry that he missed me,” she continued.
“Lastly, he said that he wasn’t happy anymore and wanted it to be just us again, like the beginning of our relationship, because he was miserable.”
“What changed now? I got a part-time job at the company [where] I did my internship, so now I [can] have an income while studying. My mom is moving to my city because she found a good job and she’s rented a two-bedroom apartment.”
Her mom invited her to move in and offered to help care for her kids while she finishes up school, so she’s no longer worried about money or making rent for that matter, and she will be graduating from college this summer.
She emailed her husband to inform him that she’s leaving him and taking the kids. He’s on vacation currently, and by the time he gets back, she will be out of there.
None of this is her fault because her husband is a liar. He promised to pick her over having multiple girlfriends, and that wasn’t something he stuck to.
He did the old bait and switch, then relied on keeping her financially stuck to prevent her from exiting their marriage after he got what he wanted.
I’m proud of her for leaving him and figuring a way out of this mess. All he did was manipulate and trap her, and I’m so sad for her.
What advice do you have for her? Does a man like this actually want multiple women, or does he just want the power that comes with making women compete for his attention?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
