If your spouse wrecked your marriage over unfounded suspicions that were proven false, would you ever help financially support them again?
A bit more than two years ago, this 44-year-old man got divorced from his 43-year-old wife, Ally, after 17 years together. Their divorce came down to Ally accusing him of an affair, but he was nothing but faithful to her.
Ally said he was staying out late into the night and acting shady, so she was convinced that there had to be another woman. The truth is, his job required him to have a level of secrecy due to the sensitive customer information he had.
“That was never new or unexpected. I was also staying out later because my dad was seriously sick [and] at the same time, my mom is chronically ill. I was juggling work, family, and caregiving… life meant long days and late nights,” he explained.
“Ally ended up hiring a private investigator to follow me, and they found nothing, because there was nothing to find. I only found out because I saw the bill.”
“As you can expect, the trust was completely gone, and the marriage didn’t survive it. Did I try? Not hard, no. I just felt betrayal.”
He and Ally have two children who are 13 and 18, and they welcomed their kids into the world before tying the knot. Their kids go to an amazing school district, and it’s always been extremely important to keep them there.
Now, they live in an area with a super high cost of living, and he does not personally know of single people who can manage to live there.
As for Ally, she was low-income and currently chooses to be unemployed. He and Ally have shared custody of their kids, and he pays Ally an enormous amount of money in child support.
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They did have a legal agreement in place regarding the house they live in, which ended three months ago. Originally, their home was owned by his mom and dad, who then transferred the ownership of his house and the one they live in into his name since they are quite sick.
Ally is not paying any rent to him, but he wants her to, and what he plans to charge is well below what he could get if he found another roommate.
“Ally and her new boyfriend, Jacoby, are expecting their first child together. They say they can’t afford to live in the area while also paying that rent. I told her about as calmly as I could that I can’t afford to support an entire second family long term,” he said.
“Due to the court order, Ally can’t move away with the kids. If she relocates, it would have to be without them, which is obviously a part of the overall issue. She talked to the kids about all of this before looping me in. I wasn’t happy about that, but what’s done is done.”
“The kids are understandably upset, but what surprised me is that they’re more upset with her. They feel like she’s expecting me to continue paying for her life, her boyfriend, and her new baby. I don’t even like [that] they’re involved in this.”
Ally can’t find another place to live that is close by or affordable. She might have to move much further away, meaning he will get the kids more often so they can stay in school.
He’s happy if Ally only ends up with them on the weekends, since he loves spending time with them. He reminded Ally that if their custody agreement changes at all, they have to return to court to reevaluate the amount that he’s paying her for child support.
Well, that made Ally freak out, and she snapped that he was trying to financially ruin her while she’s pregnant with a baby.
“From my perspective, I’m already paying child support, I’ve been flexible, and I’m prioritizing the kids staying in their schools. I just don’t think it’s fair or sustainable for me to continue subsidizing my ex-wife’s housing while she builds a new family,” he continued.
“At the same time, I know that forcing this issue could drastically change her life, impact her relationship with the kids, and make me look like the bad guy…especially given that she’s pregnant and housing is so hard to find.”
“So…[Am I the jerk] for wanting my ex to either pay rent or move out, even knowing it could lead to a custody change and financial consequences for her?”
It’s wild to me that Ally imloded their marriage, quit working, had a baby with another man, and still thinks he should be funding her lifestyle. Wow.
Ally made a series of poor choices, and he needs to evict her, not charge her rent. It’s time for her to face the music, and it’s not his problem if she’s in a tough spot.
If your ex-spouse hired a private investigator to follow you and found nothing, would you ever be able to do them a financial favor again?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
