Did you know that it’s considered unethical for a therapist to give someone a diagnosis if that person is not a patient of theirs? So, how would you feel if you found out that your spouse’s therapist said you have a personality disorder, despite you never having seen them for your mental health?
This woman has unfortunately found herself in this exact predicament. She and her husband got married two years ago, and lately, they’ve been intensely fighting about her career and a job she’s considering accepting.
Her husband has known for years about the possibility of her taking on this job, and if she declines it, that will ruin her ability to advance in her profession.
He’s gotten to a point where he’s threatened to no longer be with her if she says yes to the job, which means she’s currently considering whether to choose her marriage or her career.
“For context, I am a physician, and of course, the decision of my career feels incredibly personal to me. While I am taking into consideration how my profession will affect my husband, it’s not a job that he has not already been told about for years,” she explained.
“Given that I am the one who went through many, many years of training, this feels incredibly personal, and something that I have been unwilling to feel controlled over, as I will be the one going into my job daily, and my job satisfaction matters.”
“This has caused a huge strife in our marriage, to which I am now finding out his therapist suggested I have a personality disorder. I genuinely don’t know where to go from here because, as a healthcare professional, this feels so insanely unethical, but also it feels like the damage is done.”
Her husband said that his therapist basically gave her a diagnosis for something, and he relayed this information to her while they were not in the middle of arguing.
That has led her to believe that her husband isn’t telling tall tales and that his therapist actually did say she has a personality disorder, although she has never met her husband’s therapist before.
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She’s shocked and horrified, and she’s not positive they can move past this. It’s not just alarming to her that her husband’s therapist would throw out what she calls a “fake diagnosis,” she’s concerned that her husband’s version of their marriage doesn’t align with her own.
“But it worries me more that my husband’s personal reality and what he shared with this therapist is so different than my reality that anyone could come to the conclusion that I have a personality disorder,” she added.
“It feels as though this gives me more insight into how bad my marriage is, rather than his therapist.”
I actually don’t think it matters if her husband’s therapist truly offered up a diagnosis for her or if this is something her husband made up to make her feel bad, because the bottom line is that the biggest issue is her husband not being on board with her career.
He knew well in advance that she would take this dream job, and now it seems he’s doing everything possible to sabotage that, which isn’t fair.
He shouldn’t have married her if this was going to turn into the issue that tears them apart. Couples counseling could be a last ditch effort to save their marriage, but it might already be too far gone for that.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
