In the words of Teddy Roosevelt, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” When you envy or covet what someone else has, it does make you less happy and fulfilled.
I do think it is human nature to want to compare ourselves to those around us, but in doing so, we unfairly evaluate our own progress.
This 36-year-old woman has a little sister who is 25, so yes, they’re 11 years apart. Her little sister is married to a man who is 36. Her little sister met her husband when she was 20, and her husband was 31, and they got married after two years of dating.
They have a one-year-old daughter, and they have a picture-perfect life. Now, she’s completely envious of how incredible her sister’s husband is and how wonderfully he treats her sister, and that makes her feel even worse about her own life in comparison.
“He is attentive and affectionate. He checks in on her, gives her time to rest by taking care of the baby, plans dates, and makes her feel loved and appreciated. They both put effort into each other, and their relationship looks genuinely healthy,” she explained.
“I love my sister, and I am happy for her. At the same time, watching this brings up a lot of painful feelings for me. As the older sister, I always thought I would be the one who was settled by now.”
“Instead, I have spent years moving from one toxic or unhealthy relationship to another, and I am still single and childless at 36. Sometimes I catch myself fantasizing about what it would be like to have a partner like her husband.”
Don’t get her wrong, she’s not out to steal her sister’s man; it’s just that her sister is living her dream, being with a man who is so full of love and kindness.
The envy she has for her sister makes her feel mortified. She isn’t resentful of her sister, and she would not want to take away anything that she has.
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However, looking at her vs. her sister causes her to feel further behind than she should be, as well as lonely. She’s left wondering how she can deal with her jealousy in a way that doesn’t ruin her relationship with her sister and how she can quit comparing their starkly different lives.
We all walk our own paths, and none of them look the same. It’s time for her to learn how to focus on what makes her happy or what makes her feel alive.
By getting so sucked into envying her sister, it’s obliterating her happiness. If she wants a man like her sister has, she should start trying to attract one, let’s start there.
If she invested all of the time she spent being jealous of her sister into getting what she truly wants, I bet her life would look a whole lot different.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
