Moving in together is a big step for any couple. But what happens when one partner has spent years building a stable, carefully considered life for her kids, and the other wants her to dismantle it to protect his savings account?
For the last four years, this 36-year-old woman has been dating her 48-year-old boyfriend. They met through their job before they both got divorced.
Now, she has two daughters, ages 17 and 9, while her boyfriend has one daughter and one son, ages 14 and 17. She bought her house back in 2015, which is before she tied the knot.
She had her oldest daughter when she became a homeowner, and after she got divorced, neither of her girls had their dads in their lives.
“We live in a very good school district. My oldest is graduating in two months, and my youngest is in 3rd grade. I paid $114,000 for my house, which is now valued at $180,000. Most homes for sale in this area with 4 bedrooms are $300,000 and up,” she explained.
“After 4 years of dating, my boyfriend and I began discussing finding a home we could all move into. He is renting a very inexpensive apartment with his son, but makes very good money.”
She doesn’t make as much as her boyfriend, but she manages to support herself and her girls all on her own. Her boyfriend has saved up a ton of money, considering how cheap his rent is.
Her boyfriend’s son mainly lives with him, and his daughter is at his house 40% of the time. His son goes to an online school, and his daughter’s school district is 40 minutes away, which is where her mom lives.
This brings us to the current issue she’s having with her boyfriend: he’s pushing her to sell her home and move to a different school district, which is terribly rated. That school doesn’t have sports or extracurricular activities, and there is only one classroom per grade.
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“I don’t want to uproot my youngest, who is only in 3rd grade, and again attends the best school in the area. My oldest is graduating and going to college in the fall,” she said.
“He says I am unreasonable because I don’t want to uproot my youngest. Claims that she will be fine anywhere, and we could find other activities for her to do outside of school. His oldest will still attend school online, and his daughter will stay at her current school.”
“It all boils down to money. He has $100,000 saved up and doesn’t want to spend his money on a down payment for a new home. Granted, I will make [a] profit if I sell my home because it was assessed for much higher than I paid for it, but I feel there’s no use in selling my home to move to a worse school district/town where there is literally no benefit other than cheaper housing.”
Her boyfriend says she’s a jerk for not being willing to rip her daughter out of school. He doesn’t want to drop all of his cash on a house that would be in the better district, since he believes he should keep as much in his savings as possible for an emergency.
Her boyfriend is worried they could one day lose their jobs, but she thinks that’s unrealistic, since they both work as administrators at a virtual school and no one cares that they’re in a relationship.
Her boyfriend has threatened to break up with her if she fails to sell her house and go along with his plans.
So, here she is, wondering if she’s mean for telling her boyfriend she’s not willing to move. She doesn’t want to walk away from her house and uproot all of their lives for a location she has no desire to live in.
“I want to add that we 100% can afford a house in the same district where I live. With a fraction of his savings and selling my home, we can more than afford a down payment AND monthly mortgage payments,” she concluded.
She would be foolish to sell her home and move somewhere awful with her boyfriend! It makes zero sense for her to risk her assets and stability for this man.
Also, it sounds like her boyfriend is thinking she should be the one to fund the new house with the sale of her current house, and that’s not cool.
Time for her to dump this clown because he doesn’t have her interests or her kids’ best interests at heart.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
