Now, we’ve all heard that dating a single parent is essentially a package deal, and most of the time, that means you’re insulated from a front row seat to those tougher moments.
But what happens when the happily ever after you’ve been building with your partner suddenly hits a wall of reality you never saw coming? He’s finding out that being good with kids is a lot different when a quiet movie night turns into a physical confrontation.
This 29-year-old man’s 25-year-old girlfriend has a 6-year-old daughter, and she has autism. He’s been dating his girlfriend for close to two years so far, and he’s never had a problem with his girlfriend being a single mom.
It also hasn’t bothered him that her daughter is on the spectrum, especially since he gets along great with children and dreams of being a dad one day.
“It took a while for her daughter to be comfortable around me, but she was starting to trust me, and even my partner said she thinks I’m really good with her,” he explained.
“Two days ago, I went over to her place for dinner, and her daughter was there. My partner told me that her daughter was having kind of a bad day and to just try not to bother her.”
“Sometime through the evening, when we were watching a movie, she had a breakdown. I don’t know if something happened; if so, I can’t remember what it was. But she just started freaking out and screaming and attacked me by scratching me.”
His girlfriend managed to get her daughter under control, but in the process of calming her down, she received scratches up and down her arms.
He was horrified and had no idea how to process what he had just witnessed, so he got out of there, and fast. He did suffer from a scratch on his face, but he wasn’t badly injured; he was just shaken up.
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He’s never seen his girlfriend’s daughter act like this before, so it really left him with his jaw on the floor. He has not talked to his girlfriend since her daughter’s meltdown.
“I told my family about it, and they mostly told me that I should just end it if I don’t feel comfortable anymore, but I really like my partner. I don’t know what to do,” he concluded.
Autism is referred to as a spectrum, since it’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of diagnosis. Children with autism can have a variety of different behaviors, and they can be challenging to deal with.
If he chooses to keep on dating his girlfriend with the future in mind, that very well means her daughter could one day be his stepdaughter.
He needs to be confident that he can roll with the literal punches, because if he can’t, and her daughter’s behavior is too upsetting to him, it’s kinder for him to walk away and end things instead of dragging it out.
Being a stepparent is a complicated business, and he needs to ask himself if he can do this or if his girlfriend’s daughter is a dealbreaker.
What advice do you have for him? Is this a moment to lean in and learn, or a sign that it’s time to walk away before things get even more complicated?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
