If you got your parents banned from fostering kids, and they admitted they hated you for it, would that make you want to cut contact for good with them?
Back when this 24-year-old man was in elementary school, his mom and dad took their friend’s child in for six months. While this child lived with them, his parents were extremely attentive and did everything to make them feel supported.
He actually got pushed to the side and forgotten about since his parents were all about this kid. His parents would cancel plans on him at the last minute, they failed to remember promises they made to him, and they didn’t make any time for him. It was all about their friend’s child.
“They addressed it twice with me. The first time, about a month in, I was told it wouldn’t be for very long, and it was good that I was understanding and mature about it,” he explained.
“The second time, I was told that it needed to be that way, and I needed to take a backseat because I didn’t carry the trauma and emotions the kids were feeling, and they told me I needed to step up and be a young man and forget about myself while they were with us.”
“Those kids eventually went home to their parents, and that was that. Only, it left my parents with the urge to foster and adopt because they could only have me, and they always wanted more kids.”
His mom and dad set out to foster as many children as possible, with the hopes of adopting some of them. His parents went through the process of obtaining approval to foster, and one of the last tests they had to complete was a separate interview.
He was interviewed as well, not just his parents, and he told the woman he spoke to that he was not interested in his mom and dad fostering kids.
He filled the woman in on what went down when his parents fostered their friend’s kid, and stated that he did not want to come last while foster kids came first in his house.
He was then asked if he was willing to be welcoming to foster kids, and he said no, not if that meant his parents would be snatched away from him.
“That’s how I viewed it at the time. As an adult, I know it was on my parents and not the kids. What I said was enough for their fostering application to be rejected,” he added.
“My parents asked about what they needed to do, and I was mentioned in some way. I still don’t know what exactly my parents were told, but they had an idea of what I said, and they have hated me ever since.”
“They never forgave me or understood why I felt the way I did, and our relationship has worsened more and more over the years. Just last month, my parents told me I had selfishly robbed them of the chance to do more good and grow our family at the same time.”
He’s left wondering if cutting his parents out of his life is the best thing for him to do, considering their resentment.
How heartbreaking that his parents neglected him like that. I don’t see why he should speak to them at all since they think he’s worth hating for getting them banned as foster parents.
His mom and dad should have made him their focus, not a bunch of random kids. I don’t understand why they wanted more kids when they couldn’t even give him what he needed.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
