She's Obsessed With The Woman Her Husband Had An Emotional Affair With, Since They Were Good Friends

It's a myth to think that emotional affairs are harmless because your partner didn't actually sleep with someone. Emotional affairs can cut deep and take a long time to recover from, because at the end of the day, it's still infidelity.

This 44-year-old woman is embarrassed to admit that she's completely and utterly obsessed with the woman her husband had an emotional affair with.

She and her 45-year-old husband tied the knot back in 2006. The 43-year-old woman with whom he cheated is someone she knows from back when they were in school together.

She got very close to this woman as an adult and became friends with her. They talked on a consistent basis and showed support for one another.

"From 2020 to 2023, while she and I were actively friends, she and my husband were talking every single day on Facebook Messenger," she explained.

"They shared their deepest secrets, regrets, and personal thoughts with each other. Sent pictures and videos back and forth. Built this whole emotional connection behind my back. And a lot of those conversations were about me."

"They complained about me. Criticized me. Venting about my flaws like it was their own little bonding activity. Meanwhile, she would still talk to me like nothing was wrong. I had no idea the two people I trusted were basically forming a friendship around tearing me down."

She uncovered screenshots of the conversations between her husband and her friend in one of his old phones, and it broke her, since it marked two betrayals from people she loved.

She couldn't believe that her friend was, well, pretending to be her friend while carrying out an emotional affair with her husband.

jackfrog - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual person

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It's been a few years since the emotional affair concluded, but she can't move on. She's humiliated that she thinks about this woman nonstop.

"I check her social media. I compare myself to her. I catch myself wondering what she had that made my husband want to share parts of himself with her that I thought were meant for our marriage," she continued.

"I don’t admire her. I don’t even respect her. But somehow she still lives in my head rent-free, and I hate that I can’t seem to evict [her]."

While she loves her husband and is still with him, she can't seem to forgive him and forget about what he was doing with her friend behind her back.

Being two-timed by her husband and her friend is enough to break anyone down. She shouldn't be ashamed of needing help to leave this in the past, and I think she definitely should see a therapist to help her overcome what happened.

It's not fair to her to have to constantly relive the affair, and it's dangerous to become so obsessed with the other woman. That's exhausting and difficult to deal with.

It sounds like she's also afraid of her husband cheating on her again, so perhaps couples counseling could do them a world of good as well.

What advice do you have for her?

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