I do personally believe that receiving closure from an ex is one major myth, as it’s rarely something you can achieve. More often than not, the pursuit of closure just causes problems or opens up old wounds.
How would you feel if the person you were dating told you they’re going on a solo trip with their ex so they can say goodbye to this person before they relocate to the opposite side of the country? Would you be all for it, or would you be doubting your partner’s loyalty to you?
Yesterday, this 20-year-old girl’s 25-year-old boyfriend asked her if he could talk to her about a matter related to his ex-girlfriend, and he was just checking, since he knows his ex is a sore spot for her.
She’s been dating her boyfriend for five months, and prior to their relationship, he dated a girl from his hometown, and he truly loved her.
Her boyfriend credits his ex with making him into a better man, but she dumped him, as her parents were disapproving. Her boyfriend and his ex had to take a break from seeing one another following their split so they could heal, but now they spend time together.
She just learned a week ago that her boyfriend speaks to his ex once a week, which was a shocking detail to uncover.
“She recently got into a Phd program on the other side of the country, and he said that they’re going to go on a 1-2 day trip together so he can say goodbye,” she explained.
“I’m trying to be understanding here, I get how someone from a past romantic relationship can have a big effect on who you are now, and being grateful for that/still caring deeply for that person.”
“I would get if he wanted to drive back home and grab coffee or a meal to say bye, but a trip feels intimate. I just can’t fathom how he thinks this is normal, and [he] gave me zero reassurance that I am important to him.”
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She thinks her boyfriend needs to prove to her that she’s more important to him than his ex, and going on a solo trip with that girl does the exact opposite.
She doesn’t hate her boyfriend’s ex; the girl is gorgeous and sweet, but she thinks it’s inappropriate for the two of them to be going on a vacation alone.
Her boyfriend’s ex is dating someone new, and she questioned her boyfriend about what this man thinks of the vacation, but he doesn’t know.
“And I would like to add, he is a very oblivious person. He doesn’t really understand why and how certain things are. For example, in the past, I have asked if he could reassure me more, but he genuinely didn’t understand why, because he thought that being with me would mean everything that reassurance usually gives people,” she continued.
“But also, after I asked for more reassurance, he said he absolutely would do that as long as it makes me happy and secure.”
Anyway, she’s left wondering what to do to make her boyfriend understand why she’s upset about his vacation with his ex.
I just don’t get why he has to say goodbye to his ex, unless he still has feelings for her. She should take this as her chance to dump him, because it’s not acceptable for him to be going on a solo trip with the girl he used to date.
Otherwise, she’s a doormat who will never get her boyfriend to respect or prioritize her if she wants to remain in their relationship, and he still goes on the trip.
Also, I have no idea if it’s possible to get through to her boyfriend if he can’t already see how wildly out of line this vacation is. Since she characterizes him as largely unaware of her feelings or needs, that’s not a good sign.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
