Finding a match on a dating app is already a minefield due to all the “u up?” texts and ghosting, but once you finally meet someone worth going on a dinner date with, the real detective work kicks off.
She thought she found a promising connection on a dating app, but the way this man talked about the possibility of having kids made her think twice about his potential as a partner.
We’ve all heard the biological clock discourse, but it’s rare to hear a man so candidly say that he’s strategically using it as a dating filter.
This 26-year-old woman went on two dates with a 33-year-old man, whom she met on a dating app. She made it clear on her profile that she’s looking for a long-term relationship and that she would like to have children at some point.
He wrote that he’s seeking a long-term relationship, too, but stated he’s receptive to other arrangements. He didn’t indicate whether or not he wanted kids; he just said he does not have any.
During their second date, the conversation steered towards children. She let him know that she does want to have them, but she most likely would be fine if it doesn’t end up happening for her.
Her date revealed that either outcome is acceptable to him; he’s cool with ending up with a girl who wants to be a mom, but if he meets a girl who doesn’t want to have kids, it wouldn’t be a problem.
Her date continued to say that he doesn’t bother putting all of that on his dating profile, so he has the opportunity to clarify his feelings in person.
He added that he doesn’t plan on having more than one child, which works for her, as she thinks she would like one or two.
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“The thing he said that I’m not sure how I feel about is that he doesn’t love dating women his age in his 30’s who want kids because if they do, they want to move at a much faster pace than he does, because if they want kids, it has to happen soon,” she explained.
“He said because of this, he prefers to date 26-27-year-old women who have plenty of time. I’m not in a rush to have kids, although ideally I’d want to have one before the age of 35, so I feel like I have plenty of time for that.”
“Although I’m wondering what people’s thoughts are on this. Part of me wonders if I’ll get to my early 30’s with someone with this view, and he won’t be ready or doesn’t really want them.”
Personally, I think it’s weird for a 33-year-old man to be admitting he only dates younger girls so he can buy more time on having kids.
He’s not in a rush, and that means he most likely won’t be when he hits his 40s, or really ever, so he should be honest about that; instead, he’s dancing around the subject.
His lack of transparency about seemingly not wanting kids at all means he’s going to waste a lot of women’s time out there who do want them, and that’s not fair to string along younger women because he can.
I also think it’s a slippery slope for a man to confess to preferring younger women, because who’s to say she won’t be traded in for someone even younger than her over a long enough timeline?
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
