Imagine having a firm no-kids pact with your husband, a man who literally spends his 9-to-5 untangling the trauma of other people’s children, only to have him volunteer for parenthood without giving you so much as a heads-up.
This woman and her husband have always vowed to remain childfree. She hates kids, and while her husband loves them, he doesn’t want to raise them anymore.
He was the oldest of nine kids and was parentified, so it makes sense why he wants to stay far away from children. Her husband is a child psychologist, and his job involves working with traumatized kids.
“But he comes home from work every day, exhausted, talking about how glad he is that he just gets to relax with me,” she explained.
So, her husband has a sister, and she’s an addict who bounces in and out of rehab, unable to keep it together. Her husband’s sister has two children: an infant and a four-year-old.
The oldest child has been in foster care before, while the baby went right into the system after being born. Recently, the oldest was removed from her husband’s sister.
After that happened, her husband was asked if he would like to step up and foster his nephews, and he jumped to say yes without asking her first. They have a home check scheduled in a week.
“I feel all kinds of ways about it. I tried to talk to him, and he said it’d be hard, but he can’t, in good conscience, let them ‘rot’ in the system. He knows what he’s doing with traumatized kids and knows how the system makes things so much worse,” she continued.
She’s furious with her husband because her life is tied to his, so she’s going to be right in the mix with his nephews; it’s not like she can avoid them.
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Her husband promised that he doesn’t plan on fostering the kids for the rest of their lives, but he’s the kind of person who will hang onto them until he finds a home that he approves of.
She knows her husband never would have agreed to foster the kids without the family tie he has to them. He’s even cracked jokes in the past about how horrible it is to be a foster parent, since you try your best and still have your things ruined by the kids.
“Why is it different just because they’re related to him? I know I sound awful, but we don’t know these kids. We’ve never met them. I don’t understand why he feels so righteous about ‘saving’ these kids,” she continued.
“If they weren’t related to him, he wouldn’t [care]. I know we won’t survive. I can’t even cope with a cat. I had a breakdown when we had one. We had to get rid of her because I couldn’t cope. And he expects me to just live with two kids?”
“I don’t want our life together to be over. I’m so angry at him, and I feel awful for being angry that he’s improving lives. Ugh.”
I hate to say it, but I don’t see how their marriage can survive this when she’s so firmly childfree and panicked over a pet cat. She and her husband are just no longer compatible now that he wants to be a parent, even if he’s claiming it’s a temporary thing.
Given how caring he sounds, I highly doubt the kids will be briefly staying with them, as something in me thinks he might view potential home situations that will come up for them as not good enough.
What advice do you have for her? Is her husband a saint for stepping up, or is he the ultimate jerk for sacrificing their entire marriage for a family obligation?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
