If your parents generously gave you the gift of an addition on your house, only to have your spouse ban you from using it, how would you feel?
This 30-year-old woman has a 35-year-old husband, and they have been married for close to two years so far. Her husband has expressed his desire to have his very own designated space within their home.
She thinks it’s fine for her husband to value his time alone, but what’s unreasonable to her is his demand to keep her out of that private space completely.
Six months ago, they moved into a new home, and they added a garage and deck. The deck was built onto a room upstairs in their home that’s not attached to their main living space.
Her parents paid for the addition, as they own a construction company, but it’s currently not doing well financially, so it was super generous of her mom and dad to assume the costs for everything.
“He has repeatedly said the upstairs area was his man cave and no women or pets are allowed. I really thought he was joking.
Tonight, he told me the new deck is off limits to me except during events,” she explained.
“So I asked how serious he was about this man cave. Apparently, he was dead serious about me not going there, ever. I asked if it was ok for me to access the storage up there, to which he said was fine.”
Despite living in their house for six months, her husband hasn’t spent any time in their addition or moved his computer in either. She does respect her husband’s need for alone time upstairs, but she feels shaken up over her husband telling her she’s banned from his space.
Her husband does not want her designing the space, adding plants, or painting. He said he will pay for all of this alone, and he expects the place to be exclusively his.
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She reminded her husband that as a married couple, their house is meant to be shared by both of them. Her husband retorted that she commandeered their flowerbeds and the main part of their home.
“He hasn’t shown any interest in contributing or maintaining the home or gardens, so I took it upon myself. I have asked him every step of the way what he thinks we should do, and he says he doesn’t care, or just do what I want,” she added.
“I know he was being dismissive about it all, but this news that he just wants his own space that I can’t be involved in makes me feel like I’ve been doing everything wrong this entire time.”
“I respect a man cave when there are men in it, but to say he doesn’t want the herbs I plan on cooking our dinners with planted upstairs, nor me sunbathing when it isn’t in use, seems a bit extreme. Someone talk sense into me because this feels all wrong. I’m ready to pack up everything that is ‘mine’ and leave the house bare.”
She’s left wondering if she’s somehow wrong to think their brand-new deck should be a place they can both use instead of just her husband.
She does feel wildly disrespected by her husband, considering that her own mom and dad paid for the addition to be put on in the first place.
This is bizarre to me that her husband isn’t allowing her to use the addition at all, and I wonder what he’s doing in there all alone. How can he forbid her from setting foot in spaces that are part of their shared home? That’s not acceptable.
She should go up there and figure out what it is that he’s hiding from her, and I do also think moving out could be a good idea because who wants to live with a dictator?
Do you think she’s crazy for thinking her husband is acting rude?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
