If your spouse wanted to name your future baby after their late spouse, would you be open to that, or would you say absolutely not?
This man got married to his wife a year ago, and she’s currently 16 weeks pregnant with their first baby. After his wife got pregnant, she became obsessed with her late husband.
He’s honestly not sure how to speak to her about this without hurting her feelings or coming across like he’s envious of a dead man.
It was back in 2020 when his wife’s late husband sadly passed away in a motorcycle accident, and at the time, they were trying to have a baby.
When he began dating his wife, she was not interested in a serious relationship. She actually lived in the same neighborhood as his parents and walked her dog every single morning and night in their area.
His parents befriended his wife and set them up after he noticed her walking her dog one day and remarked that he thought she was attractive.
“She was really open with me about everything that had happened with her first husband. I understood that it was a huge part of her life and never expected her to erase that part of her history or pretend like he never existed. He has come up occasionally, but not constantly. It seemed normal to me,” he explained.
“Something has changed since she got pregnant. At least, I think it’s only been happening since then. I’ve noticed her frequently looking at old pictures of him on her phone, looking him up online, and just sitting here looking at the street view of the house they used to share. She’s bringing him up a lot more often, just making a lot of offhanded comments about things they did together.”
“This week, she asked if we could use his name for our baby’s middle name. We are probably not going to find out if it’s a boy or a girl until they’re born, but his name was [universal], so it could go either way. She said she knows not the first name, like she’d really prefer to ask for that, but knows that’d be going too far.”
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He informed his wife that he would need some time to consider her request, and initially, he thought no way. He does feel awful for his wife’s late husband; he truly does.
He seemed like a great person whom he would have enjoyed spending time with, and his death was tragic as well as unjust. He is aware that on some level, he should be happy that he’s still here, he has a wife he adores, and they’re beginning their family, while her late husband gets to enjoy none of this.
So really, it’s not the end of the world if he allows his wife to use her late husband’s name for their baby in some capacity.
“It’s just weird and sort of hurtful for me, though. This should be a happy time for us, but for some reason, she’s being pulled back into all of her memories of him,” he continued.
“I want to bring it up to her. I don’t think she realizes I’ve seen what she’s been looking at on her phone every day. I’ve not been snooping. When she’s sitting so that I can see her phone when she’s using it, it’s hard to miss what she’s looking at.”
“She’s been extremely emotional for the past 4 months, so I’m worried that bringing this up won’t go over well, and I don’t want to upset her. I also don’t want to come across as an insecure jerk who is jealous of a dead man.”
He’s left wondering how he can address his feelings with his wife without hurting her, while also not caving to her baby name wishes simply because he feels so terrible about her late husband.
It sounds like his wife might be triggered by the pregnancy, considering she was trying to have a baby with her late husband when he passed away.
Personally, it wouldn’t bother me to honor someone special with a baby’s name, but I can understand why he’s unhappy about this. I truly do not think his wife intends to be disrespectful to him at all while dealing with her grief.
I just think she didn’t realize how having a baby with another man would impact her, and she may be feeling guilty about it. He should gently suggest that she see a therapist to help her work through all of this.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
