If your parent decided to get with your ex, would you find a way to put your feelings aside and be supportive of everyone’s newfound happiness? Or would it gross you out to no end?
This 32-year-old woman’s dad had a debilitating autoimmune disease that he struggled with throughout her entire life, and he also had depression.
She’s convinced the only reason her dad lasted as long as he did was because of her 56-year-old mom. Her dad was in constant, excruciating pain, but her mom gave him the will to live.
In the last year of her dad’s life, her mom just gave up, and she saw their marriage fall apart in real time. The last six months leading up to her dad’s death were by far the worst.
One day after Father’s Day last year, her dad took his own life, leaving them all devastated. Now, she has a pretty big family, and her loved ones have graciously adopted a number of other people, one of whom is her 34-year-old high school sweetheart.
She dated him for three years, and he was the first man she fell in love with. She dumped him upon heading off to college and several years later, married her husband.
“The ex-boyfriend stuck around my family and was mentored by my dad in a tradesman’s job. I dealt with him being around my family through the years and just brushed it off. I was told often that ‘you broke up with him, not us,'” she explained.
“That’s the dynamic. The ex-boyfriend was living on my family’s property and was there the night my dad took his life. He was with my mom when they found him. Yeah, it’s bad.”
“Once the smoke cleared, my mom needed help with the family business and took my ex on as her business partner. It was a necessity to keep the day-to-day running. [He and my mom] started a physical relationship 3 months after my dad passed.”
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She figured out that they were hooking up one week prior to Christmas, which left her sickened and repulsed. She felt like her ex and mom disrespected her by getting together.
She still can’t understand what kind of a mom thinks it’s a good idea to sleep with her kid’s ex, especially when everyone is drowning in sorrow.
She has been seeing a therapist since she lost her dad, and her mom and ex hooking up has caused her to feel humiliated and stabbed in the back.
She outright requested that her mom stop seeing her ex, but her mom simply lied to her. She found out about that and demanded that she stop spinning lies.
Her mom and her ex have since moved in together, and every time their family has events, she feels uneasy being around them, since she can’t bear it.
“It messes with my mind the whole time. I’m constantly watching my every move and theirs. It’s a complete mind game. I can’t get out of it,” she added.
Soon, there’s going to be a huge family event at her mom’s house, and she told her mom she would feel better if her ex wasn’t invited.
Her mom responded that her ex is an important part of their family and will be absolutely attending. She informed her mom that she would not be going then, nor would her children.
Her mom is content with picking her ex over her and has since called her calculating. She feels like the family she knew and adored is no more. Her dad is not physically on this planet, and her mom is not acting like her parent.
“She ‘just wants to be a woman,’ in her words. I’m at a loss [as to] what to do or where I belong when it comes to the family whom I desperately love, but the choices that are being made are in complete disregard for me,” she continued.
She gets that we all walk our own paths, but her mom’s welcoming her ex into her bed deeply impacts the bond she used to have with her mom.
She also doesn’t think it’s great that her mom is paying an AI bot therapist online to help her through the loss of her dad. She thinks this thing is just appeasing everything her mom does.
She wants her mom to get a real, human therapist in the hopes of her realizing she’s behaving in an insane way.
“I love my mother so much. I want her to be a part of my life. I can’t be a part of her current choices. She’s looking to me for ‘grace,'” she added.
“To me, that just means me bending over backward to love her and maintain her sense of normalcy. My dad was her Jiminy Cricket. Her moral compass is gone. This must be my new normal. Where do I go from here?”
Well, she already tried expressing her feelings to her mom, and her mom didn’t want to hear it, so attempting to have a conversation with her is out.
She just needs to cut her mom out of her life and protect her own mental health, since she said it herself; she can’t bear to be around her mom and her ex.
Distance truly is the healthiest choice she can make at the moment, and it doesn’t have to be forever.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
