Some people see those more fortunate than them and think they’re entitled to handouts. How would you react if your adopted child’s birth mother kept on asking you for money to pay her bills after seeing that you have more than she does?
This 48-year-old woman and her husband have two children, both of whom are adopted. Their youngest son is 15 and was born right in the town where they live.
They have quite an open arrangement with his biological family, including his 60-year-old birthmom, Mary. Everything has been decent between them, and they see Mary four or five times annually.
“We get her gifts for her birthday, Christmas, and Mother’s Day. She is extremely poor; she doesn’t work and only receives a small amount of disability,” she explained.
“When our children were younger, I stayed at home with them, and my husband is a teacher, so we lived very modestly. I went back to school (for eight years!) and became a doctor. Our financial situation has definitely improved.”
“We live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. But we have a big mortgage and big student loans. Not long after Mary came over to our new house for the first time, she asked for money for the first time; $150 to pay her power bill.”
She reached out to the power company directly to generously pay the bill, and they told her Mary owed more than $450. $150 was the minimum amount required so that they would not shut Mary’s power off.
She paid Mary’s outstanding balance, and Mary kept on asking her to give her money every other month following that act of kindness.
Considering she and her husband can afford to help Mary out, she gave her all the cash she asked for. From there, Mary increased the frequency of her money requests. She and her husband decided to inform Mary that they could give her $50 every month, but that was it.
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“Mary gradually began asking for an advance on the next month’s ‘allowance’ (that sounds gross, but I can’t think of a better word to describe it),” she added.
“Eventually, we just told her we could not give her any more money, that it was becoming awkward and affecting our relationship with her, and that was the last thing we wanted for our son. She said she understood, and things got better for a while.”
“She has 7 adult children and several siblings [whom] she could turn to when she needs financial help. But recently she started asking me for money again. $10 for an Uber to the doctor. $20 to pay her water bill. $15 for medicine. All things that are necessities. I felt guilty, so I sent her the money.”
Once again, Mary has been badgering her for more money and stating that she immediately needs to have it. Mary will tell her in the middle of the day that she has a doctor’s appointment in half an hour and urgently needs money to cover it.
Ignoring Mary worked for some time, but this week alone, Mary has sent her multiple texts a day wanting cash, and she’s getting hostile about it.
Mary said that if she fails to give her the cash she needs, she will have to reschedule her upcoming doctor’s appointment. She does feel like a jerk since she can give Mary the $25 she’s asking for.
“And I feel guilty because she has so little and we have so much. I mean, we have her son!!!! But the constant asking for money is making me so resentful. I feel like an ATM,” she concluded.
She’s left wondering if she’s in the wrong to no longer want to give Mary money.
Mary is absolutely treating her like an ATM, and she adopted Mary’s son, not Mary, so she really owes this woman nothing. Mary has learned she can take advantage of her, and she has to put a stop to that.
She should just block Mary or put her messages on silent and not respond.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
