It is incredibly hurtful when your parents show favoritism to your sibling and not you. So how would you feel if you discovered that your parents paid off your sibling’s student loan debt, but didn’t bother doing the same for you?
This 29-year-old woman accidentally learned a week ago that her 32-year-old brother got a free ride to college thanks to their dear old mom and dad, but they didn’t offer her the same generosity.
It was at a family dinner that her brother let it leak that he was ultimately free of all debt. She questioned him about how he managed to get to that place financially, suspecting he got a raise at work or something along those lines.
Her brother fell silent, and her mom chimed in that she and her dad had assisted him in getting rid of the debt that he had accumulated while pursuing his education.
“I graduated with $71k in student loans. I’ve been paying them down for 7 years. I’ve never once asked my parents for money because, and I’m embarrassed to admit this, I genuinely thought they didn’t have it,” she explained.
“Turns out they did. They just…didn’t offer. When I brought it up privately with my mom, she said my brother ‘was struggling more,’ and that I’ve always been ‘the independent one.'”
While her mom meant to praise her for those qualities, it’s not how it came across to her. Now, she’s not angry with her mom and dad for paying off her brother’s student loan debt, which was a shocking $67,000, and she doesn’t want to destroy her family over the unfair treatment.
Nevertheless, she can’t make believe that this isn’t incredibly hurtful. Her brother does feel super guilt-ridden, and her dad is refusing to speak about it.
She’s curious if, because her parents view her as the more adept child, that’s how they rationalized treating them differently throughout their entire lives. Because the whole student loan thing is not the first incident.
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“Has anyone dealt with financial inequality like this between siblings? Did you ever bring it up directly with your parents, and did it help or just make things worse?” she wondered.
Considering her mom and dad see her brother as the golden child, when they age, and it comes time for one of them to step up to care for them, she should let that responsibility fall squarely on her brother.
I know that might be petty, but it serves them right. And in the meantime, I can’t see her wanting to spend her free time with her parents or her brother after knowing they don’t treat them even close to equally.
It’s perfectly fine for her to pull back, and it’s really gross of her parents to act like this in the first place, so I feel sorry for her.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
