This 54-year-old man and his 51-year-old wife had been widows for about two years before meeting one another. He and his late wife had two little kids, and his wife had three kids around the same age with her late husband.
All of their loved ones insisted that they should quickly merge their families so that their kids would benefit from having two parents.
“I remember 6+ months after my first wife died, I was encouraged to get back out there and find my kids a stepmom so she could be their second mom,” he explained.
“At the time, I had my own family tell me my daughter would need a mom and not a dad when she got older and went through many changes. I took it to heart back then, but reflect very differently on it now.”
“When my wife and I first got together, all our kids were unhappy about it. They didn’t want a stepparent or a new mom and dad. Over time, my stepchildren grew close enough to me to call me dad.”
His stepkids had a dad who left them with some terrible memories, and that’s what really made them want to be close to him, since he didn’t treat them poorly.
As for his kids, even after two decades, they do not accept his wife as their mom, and they have been vocal about that all along.
To this day, his kids don’t consider his wife a family member or a step-parent, even. He’s discussed this at length with them, and they feel that he did the wrong thing by trying to make his wife their new mom. They wished he had opted to raise them as a single dad.
As his daughter grew up, she relied on her maternal grandma to teach her about certain things for fear of allowing his wife to be more of a parent to her.
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He and his wife have chatted about everything and acknowledge that they didn’t handle blending their families in the best way. However, his wife feels that she should not spend eternity being punished by his kids, even though they’re empty nesters now, and she doesn’t have to spend time around them.
“Recently she told me she feels like I won because all the kids love me and consider me their dad, but my kids don’t consider her their mom, and she told me she feels it’s fundamentally unfair that she’s not mom after 20 years of marriage to children who were under 10 when we married,” he added.
“This led to her asking me for a divorce two weeks ago and saying she was no longer happy to continue with our blended family when she does not feel it was successful for her. She told me there was no changing her mind and nothing more to talk about.”
“I tried, but she did not want to say more. But then a few days later, after she had left to stay with her sister, she told me she expected me to fight for our marriage and make it right. When I asked her what that meant, she told me I should know and do it without being told.”
He thinks his wife is subtly suggesting that he finally force his kids to accept her as a maternal figure and love her that way, too. But he’s tired of pushing that agenda on his kids and refuses to keep at it.
Since he can’t talk this over with his wife, he feels he has no choice but to agree to the divorce, even though it’s not what he would like.
“I don’t want a divorce, but there is clearly no room for discussion or anything, and I can’t fight for the marriage the way I’m assuming she wants me to,” he continued.
Look, I get that his wife is hurt because his kids don’t like her, but they’re adults, and it really shouldn’t matter now that they’re out of the house and don’t have to interact with one another at length.
I do think his wife is evidently envious of how her kids love him since she didn’t get the same treatment, but it’s not fair of her to take that out on him.
It’s very selfish of her to be pitching a fit over not getting the relationship with the kids that she wanted, and if she’s willing to throw their marriage away over that, he should let her.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
