It is a common misconception that marriage acts as a permanent off switch for noticing the rest of the world. We’re only human and crave connection, so it’s possible to develop a crush on someone else while married, though it can certainly feel jarring or guilt-inducing when it happens.
If you had a crush on someone outside of your marriage, would you tell your spouse, or keep it a secret for fear of hurting them?
This woman and her husband have a seven-year-old son who was diagnosed at the age of three with level 3 autism. After receiving the diagnosis, her husband began treating their son like a leper.
Her husband quit showing their son affection, he stopped believing in him, and he pretty much favors their neurotypical four-year-old daughter over their son.
“We have been together 14 years, and I have never had a crush until now. My husband says divorce is not a solution, I will never [be able to] afford to live on my own, and I need to stop bringing it up,” she explained.
“My crush is someone who works with my son and has for a long time. I never had a crush on him until he was standing, telling me about my son’s day while caressing his head lovingly (which my son loves).”
“I thought…whoa, wait a minute, he is really cute, how did I never notice that?! It just really made me think about how alone I feel with my son and how desperate I am for someone to love my son.”
She’s left wondering if she should let her husband know about her crush. If she does do that, she’s planning on telling him in the kindest way possible, though there is a part of her that thinks it should stay a secret.
I’m worried that this isn’t really a crush because she admitted her desperation. I think she’s just attracted to how sweet this man is to her son, and she wishes that were her husband instead.
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Anyway, her crush is the least of her worries because her husband sounds like a total monster. Her husband is obviously rejecting and neglecting their son simply because he has autism, so why does she want to keep subjecting her child to that?
Despite what her husband says, divorce is an option, especially since her marriage is devoid of love and respect, so she should figure out a way to make that happen.
But if she is the one who isn’t really interested in a divorce, she should at least ask her husband to attend couples counseling first to see if things can change, because she owes her son that.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
