It’s a terrifying reality that you can give your children every opportunity and ounce of love, and still, they can make choices that obliterate their futures. Sometimes, a mom truly does everything right, and it’s simply not enough.
This woman has five children: 22-year-old Joseph, 18-year-old Todd, 15-year-old Carter, 13-year-old Sarah, and 7-year-old Molly. All three of her sons are currently in jail or juvenile jail, and she’s extremely embarrassed by that.
Let’s start with Joseph, who she says became a troublemaker as soon as he hit 6th grade. Joseph skipped school, fought kids, stole things, and did drugs.
“He got expelled from 6th grade, and we sent him to school after school, public, private, alternative, it didn’t matter. When he was 15, he managed to get himself sent away to juvie for the first time, and since then, he has not been able to stay out for more than 3 months at a time,” she explained.
“He has broken his probation more times than I can count, and right now he is doing 2 years in prison for drug distribution. Joseph got Todd hooked on Xanax when he was 12, and since then, he has done whatever he can to get any kind of high, including jumping out of a 2nd-story window and running 2 miles on a sprained ankle to get Xanax from his friend’s house.”
Todd was on house arrest for possession of narcotics, but now he’s incarcerated after failing all of the drug tests he had to take. This brings us to Carter, who never caused problems.
Carter was pretty quiet, but she let him spend one single summer at his dad’s house, and that’s what changed everything. Following that time spent with his dad, Carter got into fights at school and landed on probation.
A week ago, when she got done with work one day, she learned that Carter got into yet another fight at the alternative school he attends, which is supposed to keep Carter out of stuff like this. Carter is being held at a youth facility, but it’s looking like he’s going to jail now, too.
“So here I am, and any free time I may have had is spent talking to the courts and talking to my son’s probation officers about how they are doing. When I am not doing that, I am talking to them on the phone,” she said.
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The various facilities her sons are in are each located 2 hours away, and in different directions. So she is forced to pick only one to visit on their bi-weekly days when they’re allowed visitors.
This means she can see each one of her three sons every month and a half due to the time and driving constraints.
“I just don’t understand how we got here. We are not poor or discriminated against; we are a normal white middle-class family. There is no system in place against them. They have had every opportunity to change,” she added.
“I have done everything I could; private schools, alternative schools, community programs, AA, none of it has been able to prevent this. I have always told them that I love them and will do anything to help them get over this. But none of it has mattered.”
“And I hate to admit it, but it is so embarrassing, and draining, and depressing. Yes, it’s embarrassing when police know you by your first name, yes, it’s embarrassing when…other mom’s bring up their son’s success when all of mine are locked away.”
It hurts her to know that her older sons are guilt-ridden, and when she does see them, they cannot look her in the eye or speak clearly because of that.
She wishes she could hug her sons, but that’s not allowed, since they’re incarcerated. Todd is the only son who has opened up to her about his feelings, and he does so in letters because he can’t bring himself to discuss it in person.
Todd does say he’s afraid of self-sabotage, and he doesn’t think his future is going to be very bright, given his track record. She’s willing to bet Joseph is in the same boat, and as for Carter, he’s trying to copy his brothers since he worships them.
Her sons have negatively impacted her daughters, too, with their antics. Sarah loves to participate in plays, but she misses them all over her sons causing fights or problems.
Molly is a tomboy who adores all of her older brothers, who will all be missing her 8th birthday next month because they’re behind bars.
“I just want to scream and cry, and drink my pain away, but I can’t because I signed up for this, I guess. Thank you for letting me scream into the void,” she concluded.
She said it herself that she’s done everything possible to help her sons get out of their own ways, and now it’s up to them to figure it out, or not.
Unless they really want to change, they won’t, and that’s not on her. Also, she should really stop putting all of her time into them at the expense of her daughters, because they need her support now more than ever, so they don’t go down the same dark path.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
