There are many excuses as to why people cheat on their spouses, but numerous affairs stem from unmet needs. That’s really one of the most common reasons for cheating, because that cheater is finding something in their affair partner that their spouse simply cannot give them.
So how would you feel, though, if you found out your spouse was cheating on you, but the people they picked were the exact opposite of your appearance, and not in a good way?
This woman found out three weeks ago that her husband has been cheating on her, and she’s been a disaster ever since then. She’s furious, of course, but her situation is pretty complex and not exactly straightforward.
“But the superficial side of me is so… confused. I’m a good-looking woman… I’m fit (BMI 18.5, 110-115 lbs or so), I have a pretty face, and guys hit on me all the time,” she explained.
“My husband says he isn’t attracted to fat or conventionally unattractive women, but the two APs were both what most people would describe as quite a bit less than hot.”
“One was quite large (BMI >40…Like 300 lbs or more), and the other was quite big (also beyond just medically obese) when they met, but then lost a massive amount of weight and was rather saggy more recently. He repeatedly rejected me for them.”
When she uncovered the affair, that same day her husband turned her down three times because he was apparently saving himself for the really obese mistress.
However, he has since said to her he finds overweight women disgusting and unattractive, so that’s what has really thrown her for a loop here.
And then when her husband gave her more information (or rather, excuses) for being unfaithful, it just made her feel even more puzzled.
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“His affairs involved a lot of [steamy texting] and commenting on photos. He said he was ‘scraping the bottom of the barrel’ (his words) because it was easy to throw away, and he knew it wouldn’t become something real, ‘because he loves me,’ and ‘they can’t compare’ to me,” she continued.
“…I struggle to believe that he actually is attracted to me, if he continually rejected me in order to be with obese APs. And I’m not sure that it’s wise to reconcile with someone who isn’t attracted to me.”
“Have you guys experienced this, where the AP is a substantial downgrade physically, with that being the excuse as to why they were safe? I invite your thoughts on the topic.”
Perhaps this isn’t about her husband being attracted to women who look nothing like her. It very well could be that he found his mistresses easy to pursue and enjoyed the thrill of, um, no chase?
Maybe it boosted his ego to be desired at all. But regardless, I do think it’s not a good idea to try to fix your marriage when your husband just isn’t that into you.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
