If your partner had a best friend of the opposite gender, would that make you concerned that they’re secretly in love with that person, and you’re just a backup option?
Six months ago, this 28-year-old woman met her 31-year-old boyfriend, and she’s his first relationship since college. He’s nerdy and awkward, but she is too, so they make a great match.
Her boyfriend has a female best friend who lives in another city, and they were roommates back in college. According to her boyfriend, they never hooked up or made out.
While her boyfriend doesn’t refer to his best friend by those words, she’s exactly that. They talk on the phone every few weeks for two to three hours at a time.
Her boyfriend’s an awful texter, but he writes lengthy texts to his best friend and sends her articles he’s read. She questioned her boyfriend about why he never dated his best friend, and he told her that the timing was never right for them.
So, her boyfriend and his best friend were always in relationships with other people, and then she relocated to another city for work.
“I recently met her for the first time, and she was super nice. Very warm, funny, charismatic. They get along like a house on fire, and they laugh a lot because I guess they’re both very witty,” she explained.
Her boyfriend’s best friend took an interest in her and didn’t make her feel excluded by cracking inside jokes or doing anything like that.
She also asked her to hang out alone so they could get to know one another better. When she did have some private time with her boyfriend’s best friend, she asked her directly if she had ever thought about hooking up with her boyfriend.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
“She said no, but she did have a bit of a crush on him at first, ‘So you picked well!’ I asked her why she never did anything about it, and she said, ‘He really wants kids, and I don’t, so what’s the point?’ She joked she’s too ‘materialistic’ for children, because she likes to travel and doesn’t want toddler cooties on her clothes,” she added.
“I’m not sure if I’m just being too sensitive, but it puts a bit of a bad taste in my mouth that the only reason they’re not together is because he wants kids. I know it’s a fundamental incompatibility, but it still makes me feel like I’m the consolation prize.”
“Also, one of their mutual friends told me that my boyfriend used to be a total [jerk] to his BFF’s boyfriend. When her ex dumped her, he canceled an important meeting to keep her company. I think he would do the same for me, but again, I think if she did want kids, he’d probably marry her in a heartbeat.”
While she adores her boyfriend, she’s worried that she should break up with him for fear that she’s not the woman he really wants to be with.
She does think this might sound crazy, but she feels like he betrayed her in some way.
I do think she is being too dramatic here. Just because her boyfriend and his friend get along great doesn’t mean that they secretly want to be together.
It was very nice of her boyfriend’s best friend to go out of her way to be friendly to her, and she truly has nothing to worry about except her own overreactions.
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post below.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
