If you were engaged to someone who called off your wedding, said they did not want to be with you, and then changed their mind, what would you do?
This 25-year-old woman had been friends with her 26-year-old fiancé for several years before they began dating four years ago. Two years ago, her fiancé proposed to her, and their wedding was supposed to happen in just three months.
Following their engagement, her fiancé’s mom inserted herself into the wedding planning process and insisted on doing everything her way.
She tried to be kind and speak up about the things she wanted, only to have her fiancé’s mom get mean with her. She didn’t try to fight, as she was afraid of causing problems.
She went to her fiancé and asked him to take a stand against his mom on her behalf, but he’s basically a mama’s boy who will not get into it with his mom.
“Every time I asked him to defend me, he either resisted or didn’t want to. Some of our biggest arguments were because I felt like he wouldn’t protect me or put our relationship first,” she explained.
“Fast forward to the final months before the wedding. Out of nowhere, he started asking if I thought our relationship was even working.”
“I was completely blindsided. He had never told me he was questioning the marriage or that he felt things had gotten this bad. Yes, we’d had disagreements before, and whenever he brought up something that bothered him, I genuinely tried to work on it. I thought we were handling our issues together.”
Well, that conversation sparked an enormous argument, ending with her fiancé saying he didn’t feel ready for marriage. He also said he was doubting their relationship.
She spent an entire day asking her fiancé if he thought there was a chance for them to work on things. She questioned him multiple times if he still wanted to be with her, but he said he was finished, so she quit begging.
She was falling apart emotionally and made plans to leave their house, as she had no choice but to accept that it was the end of her engagement.
“The moment I withdrew, he stopped me and said he did want to work things out after all. The next day, I asked if he still wanted to get married, and he said yes,” she added.
“Then the following day, he changed his mind again. He said he didn’t want to get married anymore, but he still wanted to be with me and work on the relationship. We ended up postponing/canceling the wedding. I’m absolutely heartbroken.”
“I’m not upset that he isn’t ready for marriage. I’d rather marry someone who’s 100% certain than someone who’s unsure. What hurts is that he never communicated how serious his doubts had become until they reached the point where he wanted to call off the wedding. I feel like I never had the chance to address things before he got there.”
It’s been catastrophic for her, having to inform all of her family members and friends that her wedding is off. She has grieved the future she envisioned with her fiancé as well.
Adding to the mess, her fiancé is mad with her for being so upset. He thinks that she’s as responsible as he is for their canceled wedding due to the issues in their relationship, but she doesn’t agree.
She does believe they are responsible for the issues in their relationship, but he’s to blame for not telling her that he was doubting marriage until the blowout fight.
She’s trying to change the things her fiancé has asked her to, but he is ignoring her progress. As for what those things are, her fiancé complained about not having enough alone time and their different views on family boundaries (as you know, her fiancé has none with his mom).
Aside from that, she’s having a tough time over her fiancé telling her numerous times that he did not feel like being with her anymore, but the minute she gave up begging him to stay, he instantly changed his tune.
“That has left me feeling emotionally exhausted and insecure. I love him deeply, and I do want our relationship to work, but he still seems very indecisive about whether we’ll actually make it. Lately, it feels like I’m carrying the relationship by myself,” she said.
“So my questions are: Is a relationship like this actually salvageable? Has anyone successfully rebuilt trust after a wedding was called off?”
“If we eventually work things out and get married someday, how do I stop living in fear that he’ll change his mind again? Right now, I honestly feel like a shell of the person I used to be.”
Honestly, her fiancé is so enmeshed with his mom, and he’s not making her a priority, which means he never will. Who really wants to play second best to their partner’s mom?
The next thing to discuss is the fact that her fiancé called off their wedding and literally told her more than once that he did not want to be with her. There is no coming back from that.
Once you call off a wedding, that relationship is finished, and that’s all there is to it. In the future, she should be careful about getting involved with another mama’s boy.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
