If you were engaged to someone who vowed to be childfree with you, but then you unexpectedly got pregnant, and only one of you was interested in keeping the baby, what would you do?
This 30-year-old woman is currently pregnant, but she says that was definitely not supposed to happen, especially since she and her 32-year-old fiancé have talked about remaining childfree.
“We spoke about it in depth when we started getting serious, and every now and then touch on the subject to make sure [we’re] both on the same page,” she explained.
“We’ve been together for 2 years, engaged for 3 months, and in that entire time, not once have we had a pregnancy scare…we’re careful.”
“Then I started feeling a bit under the weather. I’ve been feeling nauseous or at times have a lack of appetite, I get headaches or feel a bit lightheaded, and I’ve been getting tired more easily. These symptoms kept persisting, and I went to the doctor thinking I’d caught something.”
The doctor did do a pregnancy test as part of her exam, and that’s when she learned that she was six or seven weeks pregnant. She laughed out loud, considering she uses two different methods of prevention, and she didn’t believe her doctor.
She requested a second test, only to have the doctor insist it was not incorrect. They were unable to do an ultrasound then and there and got her another appointment for that.
She was beginning to melt down on the inside, because she wasn’t sure how to break the news to her fiancé. When she did finally tell him, she was a wreck.
“I’m crying and snotty and barely getting my words out. He does what I expect and comforts me. He hugs me and tells me everything will be okay, and my God, I temporarily felt so much relief,” she added.
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“And then it’s all shattered, and my anxiety is kicked into overdrive when he tells me we’ll make great parents and that he’ll be with me every step of the way. I don’t know, it’s like my whole world tilted on an axis?”
“It’s really difficult to explain how much his words affected me because one of the key foundations of our life and future was that our lifestyles are so aligned, and here he is telling me he wants to keep the baby. I ask him what he means, and he says it’s clearly a miracle I’m pregnant because we managed to conceive despite everything we’ve done to prevent having babies.”
She reiterated to her fiancé that they agreed to be childfree and that they never wanted to have kids. He admitted that was true, but considering she is pregnant, that changes everything.
She’s never been pregnant before, let alone terminated, and she asked her fiancé to come to the appointment with her for that. He finally told her she should get some sleep and go to bed, as he could tell she was overwhelmed.
Of course, she was, but it was for a different reason than her fiancé expected. She is totally positive, she doesn’t want the baby she’s carrying.
She has no interest in giving birth, being pregnant, or becoming a mom. This is just not what she wants for herself, so she’s struggling with how to make it clear to her fiancé that she’s not going through with this.
“I’m so confused and upset because he’s SO excited? It’s like he’s done a 180, and I’m afraid I’ll be breaking his heart,” she continued.
Wow, does this come across like she got a baby trapped? It just doesn’t add up to me that her fiancé is elated about her being pregnant when he said all along he’s childfree.
Of course, there’s no way to prove that, but she has to be prepared for terminating to be a dealbreaker for her fiancé, considering he’s so excited about the possibility of a baby.
This is her future we’re talking about, and she absolutely should not have a baby if she doesn’t want to, even if that causes her fiancé to leave her and call off the wedding.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
