What would you do if your parents forced you to sacrifice every single birthday party for a sibling with zero boundaries or manners?
This 18-year-old girl has a 16-year-old sister with autism. Her sister was diagnosed early on, and her parents then put her in various therapies, but they didn’t give her any boundaries.
Because of that, her sister has always struggled with manners when it comes to speaking. She will begin talking about random topics in the middle of funerals or weddings.
“She does this at school, and they can’t really do much of anything because of her IEP and my parents. But she will talk in the middle of tests to the whole class,” she explained.
When her friends would come over, her sister would interrupt them, and then also lecture them about inappropriate topics, so that was uncomfortable.
“The other thing is she’s really bad at staring at people during meals and criticizes how people eat when she chews with her mouth wide open, and she will randomly, in the middle of chewing, just leave her mouth open,” she added.
“This was something else covered in her therapies, but my parents never did anything about it. They used to make me take my sister with me to my friends’ houses or to movies with my friends sometimes.”
“It was always the worst experience, and my friends hated having my sister around as much as I did. She got us kicked out of movies before for talking loudly to all of us. My birthdays always had to include her too, even when it was [my friends and me] going somewhere together to celebrate. The family parties were normally cut short because of her.”
When she celebrated her 17th birthday, she had two different parties; one was just for her friends, and one was for her family. Her parents forced her to include her sister in both of them.
Her family party was held at a restaurant, and they got kicked out because of her sister. Her party for her friends had ice skating and an arcade in the venue.
Her sister wandered away and made strangers uneasy because she was talking to them, and that ruined the whole mood for her. Her parents then got upset with her for being irritated by her sister.
She then decided she would never allow her sister to be included in her parties again. For her 18th birthday, her friends promised to throw her a party that would not involve her sister.
Several months before she turned 18, she told her parents she was not interested in having a family party. Her family members were honestly relieved to not have to deal with her sister, but her parents were not happy with her for skipping out on the festivities.
“Then when my actual birthday party came, I didn’t even tell my parents until after, and I stayed at my best friend’s house that night so it would delay the crashout, which did come,” she continued.
“I tried to sit down and discuss it with my parents after the party, because I knew what would happen if I did it before. They even admitted they would have found some way to make my sister go with me, and they expressed so much anger that I left her out. It almost became a fight, but I stayed really calm.”
“But they are maaaad at me. I moved out to try and give us space, but they still be mad. I don’t know what to do about it or if I can do anything.”
Her parents are horrible for not correcting her sister’s bad behavior and then expecting her to love being around her. Her parents don’t respect or view her as an individual; they’re just dumping her sister on her.
This is really bizarre and oppressive, and she needs to tell her parents that she’s done; she’s a different person than her sister, and they have to start treating them like anything but a package deal.
I highly doubt they will listen to her, but it might help them finally get a clue.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
