If hiding a completely platonic friendship feels like your only option, why even fight so hard to save a marriage built on a double standard?
This 28-year-old woman has a 35-year-old husband and a two-year-old. She and her husband are currently separated and living in different houses, as they are attempting to deal with issues in their marriage.
They’re at a place where they are still trying to determine if it’s worth repairing their relationship, and if that can even happen.
Now, she has a guy friend whom she has been close with for the last six years. He’s also her coworker and best friend. They have never had anything romantic or inappropriate happen between them.
“Sometimes after work we’d get tea, grab dinner, go for a drive, or just sit in the car listening to music and talking before heading home. Once he dropped me home after work,” she explained.
“I had asked my husband if he was okay with me spending time with this friend, and he said no because he doesn’t trust him. For context, my husband has several close female friends.”
“He hangs out with them, watches movies with them, and has traveled alone with some of them. I’ve never had an issue with that because I trust him completely, and as far as I know, he’s never crossed any boundaries.”
Her husband’s rules for having male friends are that they have to be ones she already has in her life, and he has to personally trust them.
Since her only guy friend is a man her husband doesn’t trust, there’s no way for her to go out and make new guy friends with the constraints her husband has put in place.
Anyway, she has been sneaking around with her guy friend behind her husband’s back, knowing he doesn’t want her to spend time with him at all.
She has not told her husband about what she’s doing, and she made the choice to hide this from him. She hasn’t cheated; she’s just keeping her hangouts a secret from her husband.
She is struggling with her own behavior and is curious if what she’s doing counts as emotional infidelity, even though she doesn’t have feelings for her friend.
I mean, her husband is a hypocrite for holding her to a certain standard he doesn’t hold himself to with his friends. I think she should view the whole situation with her male friend as the nail in the coffin, because she and her husband are already separated and dealing with a host of problems.
And her hiding her interactions with her friend is not going to magically make her husband trust her more if he finds out. It’s just bad news if you reach the point in your marriage where you believe lying to your spouse is your only option.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
