If you found out that the person you were engaged to had gotten themselves into a few thousand dollars of credit card debt, would that have you calling off the engagement?
This 25-year-old man and his 23-year-old fiancée spent five years together. Two years into dating, his fiancée revealed that she was a compulsive spender and had to get help.
She had accumulated more than $10,000 in credit card debt and hadn’t made minimum payments for months on end. There was no way she could get herself out of that kind of debt.
He had enough money to help her, so he paid off her debt but gave her two rules she had to follow: one, she needed to get a therapist, and two, cut up all of her credit cards. She said she would do both of those things.
He owns a condo and invited her to move in with him in May of last year. In the fall, his fiancée began a Pd.D. program, and he paid for everything for her. He paid for the mortgage, the utility bills, and their groceries.
His fiancée got $1,800 a month as a stipend from the program, and she promised she was saving up all of that cash. Since they did not have joint accounts, he couldn’t prove that, but he did trust her.
Then a couple of months ago, he and his coworkers bought tickets to the World Cup. They were super pricey, though he could afford it.
“But I have been living well below my means and saving big each month, so I had the money to spend on the tickets in my ‘fun’ budget. So, I bought a ticket,” he explained.
“About a month after making that purchase, my [fiancée] asked me to go in half on a stroller for her sister’s baby shower. The stroller on her registry was $600.”
“I told my [fiancée] that I simply was not willing to spend that much on a baby shower gift for her sister. She came at me about the World Cup tickets. I told her I am permitted to make ridiculous purchases for myself with my money, [but] that in no way requires me to make ridiculous purchases for anyone else.”
He also said if she had been saving up her stipend money as she told him, she would have plenty of cash to drop on a stroller. Well, it then came out that his fiancée was utterly broke, as she had gotten herself into $6,000 of credit card debt while living with him.
She said sorry, and a couple of days later, he called off their engagement and dumped her. She moved in with some of their friends, and that was it.
After the breakup, he has spent time with these friends, and every single time he sees them, they ask him to reconsider calling off the engagement.
“My ex has texted and apologized more and said she is willing to do anything, including giving me complete control of her money. I do not want that type of relationship at all,” he continued.
“I have tried to get my friends to let it go and let me move on. But it is not working so far. Is there anything I can do to get them to move from this?”
“I love these people and want our friendships to continue, but I also do not want to have to justify a breakup. I am moving on with my life, and I think my ex and our mutual friends need to as well.”
Why hasn’t he blocked his ex yet? That needs to happen ASAP, and it’s time for him to make it crystal-clear to his friends that he is never taking this girl back, so they have to respect that, or lose out on the friendship with him.
This girl would have bankrupted him if he married her, so it was wise to cut her loose and save his financial security in the process.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
