Is it possible to be too kind or too giving? One woman surely thought so when she asked for advice about her friend.
They are both 25 and in grad school, struggling to get by and pay tuition.
Problems came up when her friend had just paid tuition for the semester. He had no money left for groceries until his next paycheck, so she decided to pay for his next meal and that week’s groceries.
But as they walked away after getting a slice of pizza, they ran into a man on the street asking for change.
She reached for her wallet, but without giving a second thought, her friend handed the man his slice of pizza.
“I asked him why he gave his food knowing full well he would be hungry, and that I was going to help anyways,” she shared in the post.
“He just said, and I quote, “I can stand being hungry, but it feels worse when someone else in front of me is hungry.”
As kind as this gesture is, it takes her kindness for granted. She ended up buying him another meal but couldn’t shake the feeling that he had made a wrong decision.
After all, she would’ve given the unhoused man a few dollars, but when her friend used the food she’d given him instead, she felt that it was a bit “naive.”
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And, of course, if he can’t afford dinner, his friends won’t stand idly by. But it continues to sap them of energy and resources beyond their initial generosity.
And it seems this is a pattern that has affected their friendship before. “He constantly is an altruistic person where he helps out, but in a way where he doesn’t always think about the outcome of his actions.”
Self-preservation is a crucial instinct that we sometimes forget to appreciate. Giving others the shirt off your back sometimes leaves you out in the cold. So it makes sense that his friend is concerned for his well-being going forward.
She ultimately asks for advice: “Is this something I need to worry about and have a talk with him about? If so, how would be the best way to approach it?”
One commenter responded, “He’s a grown man. Let him be the way he wants to be.” It’s a confusing juncture in a friendship and maybe something she can’t change about him. But it’s always worth trying to let someone know how you feel.
You can find the original post on Reddit here.
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