If you found out that the person you were engaged to has been keeping their ex around as a backup plan and secretly inviting them to family events, what would you do?
This 26-year-old woman has spent nearly four years with her 31-year-old fiancé, and he got down on one knee six months ago. Their wedding is set to happen in the spring.
Last Friday night, she and her fiancé had dinner with his family, and his older sister and parents were there. It was a typical evening, but then his mom brought up them having kids.
She laughed out loud and informed her future mother-in-law that they had not even decided on a venue yet, so that was really jumping the gun for her to be excited about grandkids.
“His dad looked at my fiancé and said, ‘Well…unless your backup plan works out.’ Everyone at the table went quiet. I asked what he meant, and my fiancé quickly changed the subject,” she explained.
“His sister looked uncomfortable and said, ‘Dad, seriously?’ On the drive home, I asked him what his dad was talking about. At first he claimed he had no idea.”
“After I kept asking, he admitted that about a year ago, during a rough patch in our relationship, his parents encouraged him to stay in touch with his ex ‘just in case things didn’t work out.'”
Her fiancé promised that he had never gotten back together with his ex, but confessed to still texting her on holidays and for her birthday because he did not want them to be on bad terms.
She was upset about that, but it got even worse than she could have imagined. She questioned her fiancé about why his dad referred to his ex as his backup plan, and he finally said it was because his ex is still invited to all of their family events since she’s friends with his sister.
Her fiancé has been keeping that a secret from her because he knew it would make her mad. He said his ex makes sure to leave before she gets there, and that’s why she hasn’t found out by now.
“I asked if she’d been at any events while we were together. He said yes. Then I asked the question that had been bothering me all night, ‘Has she ever been at a family event where I was also there?'” she added.
Her fiancé was silent for quite a while before confirming that was true. Last Christmas, her fiancé’s ex came by to have dessert with them. She had been there for a couple of hours, and her fiancé knew this girl was coming by but did not say anything to her.
He informed her that if he had, it would have created drama, so it was better she didn’t know. This has her questioning her entire relationship.
“I don’t think he’s cheating, but I feel like he intentionally kept me in the dark so I couldn’t object. He says his family is difficult, he was trying to keep the peace, and canceling the engagement over this would be an overreaction,” she continued.
“I told him I needed time to think, and now both his parents and sister are texting me saying I’m blowing one awkward family situation out of proportion.”
She’s left wondering if she’s being too dramatic to call off her engagement over her fiancé’s ex.
Well, there are two kinds of people out there: the honest ones and the deceitful ones. Her fiancé is not honest, and that’s not going to change. She’s lucky she can get out now.
Her fiancé and his entire family have no respect for her, and her fiancé has literally been keeping one foot out the door the entire time that they have been together.
Couples counseling isn’t even worth it, because that would make her the only one fighting to save this relationship. Her fiancé obviously isn’t interested because he’s been opening up his options.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
