While milestones don’t always pan out as planned, most couples who want to spend their lives together hope to get married before starting a family.
Not only is it nice to enjoy quality time as spouses prior to adding a new baby to the picture, but it also raises the bar and sets some standards for the future ahead.
So, how would you feel if your partner wanted to just cut to the chase and have a kid, even though they know you wish to tie the knot first?
That’s the sticky situation this 30-year-old woman is in with her 31-year-old boyfriend, and she’s frustrated that he views her expectations as unrealistic.
“He says he loves me, but I honestly feel like a placeholder,” she admitted.
For some context, her boyfriend has recently begun complaining that many of his female friends are having children with their partners.
Why? Well, apparently, they’re all having babies despite the fact that their partners aren’t financially stable or in “perfect places” in their lives.
Her boyfriend also keeps harping on one specific female friend, whom he knows from grad school. That friend’s husband is deployed, yet she still had a baby with him anyway.
Moreover, his friend is the breadwinner in her relationship and even bought their house since she earns way more than her husband.
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For some reason, her boyfriend seems to view his friend’s relationship as a model he wants to follow. So, he actually told her that she should be open to the idea of having a baby with him now because she has a home and some flexibility at work to take off while she’s pregnant. Plus, he finally landed a full-time position and now earns more than she does.
She, on the other hand, thinks her boyfriend is out of his mind, given they aren’t even engaged.
“I was like, what? These women are married to their partners. I do not want to just have a baby out of wedlock,” she explained.
Yet, after she pushed back against her boyfriend, he actually argued that her standards were “too high,” all because she wants a proposal with an engagement ring, a real wedding, and to go on a honeymoon.
He tried using the price of rent as an excuse. Then, he pointed out how he’s still working to further his career and has to pay down his student loans.
Nonetheless, she now believes her boyfriend simply wants to settle down with anyone who’s “convenient,” and it’s making her rethink their entire relationship.
“Am I overreacting for thinking about never talking to him again because the audacity alone makes me think he’s a bad person?” she asked.
Is it understandable why she doesn’t want to have kids until they’re married? And if her boyfriend can’t afford to buy a ring, can he even afford to raise a child? Does it sound like they’re just incompatible?
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By Katharina Buczek
Katharina Buczek graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Journalism and a minor in Digital Arts. Specializing in... More about Katharina Buczek
