Not everyone who raises you deserves to be called family. So, if you had an adoptive parent who neglected you after having a biological kid, would you want to help them out when they needed you?
This 23-year-old man is Black, and he was born in 2002 in South Africa. He was adopted by a married white couple from South Carolina when he was just a couple of months old.
He doesn’t have any memories of living in South Africa, and he was the only child of his adoptive parents for seven years of his life, as they struggled to have a baby.
His dad’s family didn’t like him from the start, so they hardly interacted with them. His mom’s family was nice to him, though.
“Even before my parents had a biological child, there was an underlying tension with my dad. My mom tried her absolute best to shield me from it and create a loving home, but my dad’s true feelings slipped through in constant microaggressions,” he explained.
His dad would make nasty comments about his hair, calling him thuggish or unprofessional, making his mom buzz it all off. He would be rude to him and micromanage everything that he did. His dad made him feel like he wanted the concept of a son more than he wanted him, and his dad was uneasy raising a Black boy.
His mom would always say his dad didn’t mean the things that he said, but it was too late. The damage had already been done. Then, in 2009, his parents miraculously had a biological son.
His dad couldn’t hide it anymore; he loved his biological son far more than him, and he began completely excluding him. Out of nowhere, his dad’s side of the family wanted to be involved, but only so they could see his brother.
His dad would take his brother on special weekend trips and holidays to spend time with his family, so he was left alone with his mom.
“I was entirely excluded from family photos, birthdays, and reunions on that side. In our own house, my dad funded all of my brother’s expensive hobbies and sports gear, while my interests were treated as an afterthought or ‘too expensive,'” he said.
His dad spent all of his time on his brother, and it was sad. His dad told him in his junior year that they could not afford to send him to college, as they needed the money for his brother.
So, as soon as he turned 18, he left home and cut his dad out of his life. He then blocked all of his dad’s family members, too, even though he didn’t speak to them at all anyway.
He majored in Computer Science & Quantitative Economics, and he worked 30 hours a week on top of taking out loans in order to get his degree.
“It was exhausting, but I put my head down, lived on ramen, and ended up graduating at the very top of my class,” he added.
Right after he graduated, he got a job at a major financial tech firm working as a Quantitative Risk Analyst. He has great money, his own apartment, and he feels secure for the first time ever.
The only person he still talks to in his family is his mom, and he knows she did the best she could with the situation she was in.
“Recently, my dad’s family found out about my massive career milestone through Facebook posts my mom made bragging about my graduation and my updated LinkedIn profile,” he said.
“Coincidentally, my dad’s family business has been hit incredibly hard by the economy, and my dad is facing severe financial strain. On top of that, my ‘miracle’ brother (now 17) has zero interest in academics, is barely passing his high school classes, and has been getting into trouble.”
“Suddenly, my dad and his family are trying to reach out to me through my mom (since they are all still blocked on my end). My dad is claiming he wants to ‘reconnect, put the past behind us, and heal our bond.’ However, my mom let it slip that his intentions aren’t pure.”
His dad wants him to help pay for his brother’s expenses and then also give him a job at his company, because he has no options at all.
He let his mom know that he’s not doing this. He doesn’t want to talk to his dad, give him money, or help his brother, who was handed the world when he was given nothing.
“Because of this, my dad’s family is blowing up my mom’s phone, calling me an ungrateful, selfish [jerk]. They claim my parents ‘saved’ me by adopting me, and that ‘family helps family,’ regardless of the past. My mom is caught in the middle and highly stressed, though she understands my pain,” he concluded.
He’s left wondering if he is a jerk for not wanting to help his dad and brother.
No, he is not a jerk, and his dad is a horrible human being. His dad is reaping what he sowed, and he shouldn’t feel bad about that at all.
His dad only wants to use him, so he should keep him blocked.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
