There’s definitely pressure around engagement rings, because you’re supposed to be grateful, emotional, and elated. But you’re absolutely not allowed to be disappointed, even if the ring isn’t what you asked for.
Going ring shopping with your partner or showing them photos of the engagement ring you really want makes complete sense, because that way you can hopefully avoid ending up having to wear a piece of jewelry you hate for the rest of your life.
But what doesn’t make sense to me is if your partner then decides to show off the ring they purchased for you before they even get down on one knee to propose.
Doesn’t that pretty much make an engagement ring less special? Complicating that further, what’s a person to do when you hate the ring your partner picked out with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns?
For the last eight years, this 25-year-old woman has been dating her 26-year-old boyfriend, and approximately a year ago, he said he wanted her to start shopping around for the engagement ring of her dreams.
She’s really not a picky kind of girl, and she only had a handful of requirements for her ring. She informed her boyfriend that she wanted a single, solitaire stone with a gold band, and other than that, she didn’t care what he picked out for her.
She let him choose the kind of stone, the shape of the band, and the setting itself. Ever since that initial chat, her boyfriend has come back to her for more feedback on the ring she wants, and she told him several times about the ring she envisioned herself wearing.
This is to say, she could not have been more black and white about what she wanted her boyfriend to buy for her. There were no shades of grey here, and no guesswork for her man to do. She even gave him a Pinterest board for inspiration.
A week ago, her boyfriend approached her to excitedly say he bought her an engagement ring. Next, he asked her if she wanted to see it.
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Small interjection: I’m not sure why she would say yes, because it’s supposed to be a surprise, but whatever, let me get on with this story.
As soon as her boyfriend unveiled the ring to her, her heart dropped. Yes, he did pick out a central, oval-shaped stone on a gold band, but her ring has a bunch of little emeralds around the center stone.
He was so thrilled about his purchase and wanted to know if she liked it. She didn’t know how to tell him she hated it, so she didn’t.
“A few days ago, I asked him why he chose to include extra stones, and he lovingly told me that he thought I deserved extra stones and that I fill his world with color, so he wanted to add some color to my ring,” she explained.
“Obviously, this is very sweet and well-meaning, but I’m devastated that he didn’t adhere to what I asked for. This morning, while I was brushing my teeth, I pictured getting proposed to and how I would feel when people asked me to show off the ring that was so different from what I wanted, and I just started bawling.”
“I feel so shallow and guilty for not liking it, but I also feel so disappointed and sad that he didn’t consult me or any of my friends before buying a ring that’s so different from what I wanted. I’ve been beating myself up over this, and I’m losing sleep over whether I’ll start to feel resentful of my boyfriend because he was trying to be unique and creative.”
Ok, so, he strayed from what she requested, even though it was for a meaningful reason. He definitely tried his little heart out, so she can’t fault him for that.
I think she should just be honest and tell him she appreciates the gesture, but she hates the emeralds. That way, they can see about hopefully exchanging the ring or getting something she will want to have on her hand as a reminder of how much he loves her.
Also, she could have the emeralds removed and turned into a separate ring, that way she doesn’t totally hurt his feelings, and that would be a neat piece of jewelry!
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
