The term glass children refers to the healthy siblings of kids with special needs. They’re called that because their parents often look right through them because they’re so overwhelmed by the child who needs 24/7 care.
He absolutely grew up as a glass child and was forced to be another parent to his little brother. So is he wrong to want to spend his adult years free of that burden?
This 25-year-old man has a younger brother who is nonverbal and requires round-the-clock care because he has severe autism. His brother has no chance of living an independent life.
While his brother is 19, he acts more like a toddler and requires help with every little thing, like using the bathroom, bathing, and even eating.
“My mom has dedicated her entire life to him. And I mean entire life. She never remarried after my dad left. She works from home so she can watch him,” he explained.
“Every dollar that doesn’t go to bills goes to his therapies, specialists, and equipment. Growing up, I didn’t have a childhood. I couldnt have friends over because my brother would have meltdowns around new people.”
“I couldnt do after-school activities because I had to come home and help. Every family vacation was planned around what he could handle, which meant we never went anywhere. Birthday parties were always ruined because something would set him off.”
When he moved away for college, his mom sobbed and couldn’t believe he could abandon them all. He didn’t let her guilt-trip him, and off he went.
For the very first time, he felt like his own person, and he wasn’t tied down by his brother. Right now, he lives alone in a little apartment.
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He has a girlfriend and a great job. He still comes home to visit his mom and brother once every month, and when he does, his mom remarks about how he has to step up to care for his brother when she passes away.
She has not asked him how he feels about this; she treats him like he has no choice, and this is his destiny. He was at her house one weekend ago when his mom started in again about him being his brother’s caregiver.
She pointed out how she is only growing older, so he has to let her know that he’s going to say yes. Well, he blindsided his mom by refusing.
“I said I spent my entire childhood being his secondary parent. I gave up friends, opportunities, [and] a normal life. I am not giving up my adulthood, too,” he added.
“I told her she needs to look into group homes or long-term care facilities because I will not be his caretaker. She started crying and said I was heartless. That’s my brother, and I should love him.”
“I told her the truth, which is that I resent him. Not for being disabled but for what his disability took from me. And I resent her for letting it happen.”
His mom has not said a word to him following his confession. While he does feel bad, he’s been holding his emotions in for two decades, and it was time to tell the truth.
It’s sad to me that his mom failed him in favor of his brother. I don’t think he’s cruel for not wanting to have to deal with his brother, because he deserves to live his own life now, especially considering he didn’t get that opportunity when he was younger to put himself first.
It’s not fair of his mom to expect him to give up his adult years for his brother, and she should be making alternative arrangements for his care that don’t rely on him.
Do you think it was wrong of him to be honest with his mom?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
