Forgiveness is a gift, not something you are obligated to grant to someone, especially on a set timeline. When your partner cheats and then starts pressuring you to just move on, they clearly aren’t out to help you heal.
She’s currently stuck in this exact situation, and her husband’s piling the blame on her for their marriage going downhill, even though he was the one who slept with someone else.
Back in July of last year, this woman’s husband admitted that he had hooked up with his close friend while they were away on a business trip.
But hours later, she figured out that this was far more than a single mistake. A month later, she discovered that her husband had carried out an entire affair with this friend of his for a whole year.
“I have been devastated and let it consume my life. I have become such a burden to my husband because I am easily triggered and extremely depressed,” she explained.
She can’t manage to climb out of the all-consuming pit of grief and fury that’s been consuming her after coming to terms with her husband’s infidelity.
She’s turned into someone she no longer recognizes. She can no longer get herself to work, and it’s impacting her career performance as well as their money situation.
As for her husband’s affair partner, her husband still has to work with this woman, which has stressed their marriage to the max.
“He’s been remorseful, and [has been] going above and beyond to earn back my trust. But no matter what I do, the therapy, the medication, the psychiatric hospitalization, I am still triggered, and I make it known in unhealthy ways,” she added.
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“Yesterday, he reached his breaking point and wants a divorce. He’s laying it all out on me, saying I am the reason our marriage went to [trash], my mental illness ruined everything, reasons why I lead him to cheat, saying there’s no hope for us if I never forgive, I bring out the worst in him, just pure hatred…maybe it’s true, I deserve these words of hate.”
“I’m so heartbroken. I feel unloved, betrayed, [and] abandoned from the moment he chose to cheat. I’m being punished for hurting and [being] unforgiving. I’ve been pressured by him and loved ones that I need to just forgive…it hasn’t even been a year!”
She and her husband have two little kids, and she didn’t picture things turning out in such a tragic way. Her husband thinks her mental illness is to blame for nobody ever being able to truly love her, including him.
Well, her husband’s actions broke her beyond repair, so I think a divorce is in order, especially since her husband clearly isn’t interested in mending their marriage.
He’s looking for an out, and she’s an easy person to shift the blame to since she’s still not handling his affair well, and who can blame her for that?
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
