If your spouse cheats on you and admits that they’ve fallen in love with their affair partner, do you think there’s any chance at reconciliation? Or is that the kiss of death, and a sign that your marriage will be doomed forever?
This woman has been married to her husband for 16 years, and he recently had an affair that lasted five or six months. Her husband’s affair partner is one of her close friends, whom she’s known for as long as she’s been married, and her husband was friendly with this woman all along.
Her husband admits that he fell in love with her friend (who is married and has two kids, by the way) and only quit speaking to her one month ago. He says he still misses her and claims the affair started because she made him not feel seen or loved.
At first, her husband and his affair partner connected over conversations about life and even their marriages. Her husband’s affair partner even gave him advice on how to make their marriage better, and so much for that.
“He says he fell in love so fast and hard because he has known and been friends with her for so long beforehand; however, before it started, I don’t believe he would have batted an eyelid if she disappeared off the face of the earth, he wouldn’t have missed her,” she explained.
“Their ‘friendship’ was only ever that she would share a funny post with him once every few months, and they’d exchange a couple of messages about how he hadn’t heard from her in so long, what she’s been up to, and then she’d disappear again.”
She’s left wondering when and how her husband will come to see that he didn’t truly love his affair partner at all and was most likely in it for the thrill.
She’s not convinced her husband will ever grow to hate his affair partner, because he views the two of them as the bad guys here on equal footing.
She would really enjoy it if her husband got to a place where he feels disgusted by all of the triggers she now has over his infidelity.
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“Currently, I am in a weird limbo where I feel I’m just waiting for his feelings to settle. I have realized, however, that I’m imagining [reconciliation] being easier once he’s over her,” she added.
“I picture our future where he’s fully into me again, and a future where he realizes he never fell in love with someone else in the middle.”
“But I haven’t really thought about what if that doesn’t happen, and he does always say he genuinely did love her? I’m not sure my heart can take that.”
Adding to the intrigue, her husband’s affair partner is posting a bunch of content online about how she lost her soulmate and love of her life.
She finds this insane, since this woman is still married to another man. She feels uncomfortable knowing this woman will always be waiting in the wings for her husband.
She wants her husband and his affair partner to wake up one day and acknowledge the damage they have done because perhaps that will make it better.
“I guess I’m kind of hoping both of them realize what a shambles the whole thing was, and she eventually feels nothing towards him, too, but mostly I am holding out hope one day he will realize he never actually loved her and wonder what on earth he was thinking risking me for her,” she concluded.
I think there’s a difference between thriving on validation and attention amid an affair, and falling in love with someone you’re not married to, and the latter makes it impossible to bounce back.
I just don’t see how she can stay married to her husband when he is telling her to her face that he has genuine feelings for another woman.
Her husband isn’t stuck in an affair fog, nor does he seem to be that remorseful, so I doubt that they can get back to a good place in their marriage.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
