When an ungrateful partner treats you like a maid and allows you to pay for all of their food, is it time to end the relationship?
This 43-year-old woman and her 40-year-old boyfriend have been dating for two and a half years. Her boyfriend has been on parole since before she even met him, and he will finally be off of that in a couple of weeks.
Due to the conditions of her boyfriend’s parole, she’s had to stay at his place because he has stringent restrictions around his curfew.
She owns her own house, and her mom and adult daughter live there too. Since she’s been basically living with her boyfriend, she has her makeup and clothes there.
“Recently, as he’s gotten closer to freedom, he’s been building his construction business back up. I’m proud of what he’s done, and I see how physically demanding it can be. However, he’s a talker,” she explained.
“He very often will spend an additional couple of hours or more on a job because he spends a lot of time talking. He also has an almost OCD way of doing some things that slows him down. These aren’t necessarily bad things, but hours he’s not really physically straining himself.”
“I manage a high-paced retail store that has had MANY challenges that I was brought in to fix a couple months ago. Amid these challenges, we have changed IT systems and become a test store for a major customer experience change. I am mentally exhausted most days by noon.”
Her boyfriend has been giving her a hard time about not cooking or cleaning for him, and that’s causing enormous stress in their relationship.
She does clean, and she also does laundry. Her boyfriend has been picking fights with her about not washing dishes that only he uses. He gets upset when she does not literally clean up after him.
He’s also been demanding that she cook for him, but he doesn’t even own a stove, and his sink is located in the bathroom. He has minimal appliances, like a microwave, a hot plate, and a fridge, but only two of those three things can be used at the same time, or it flips the breaker in his house.
“Add to that, he’s sooooo picky. He honestly eats like my 4-year-old grandson. His go-to complaint is that when I get home, I shouldn’t sit down; I should cook or clean bc he’s more tired than I am when he gets home,” she added.
“I use the couple hours to listen to true crime podcasts that I can’t listen to when he’s around because he hates them. I might do a few scratch-offs, which he hates. Or maybe just scroll FB. It’s my quiet time.”
“When he comes home, he typically watches TV or his phone and takes about an hour to shower. Anyways, his constant put-downs and lectures lead me to move all my stuff out and only stay the night occasionally. He thinks I was childish for doing that and that I’m just lazy and don’t care.”
She just told her boyfriend she’s not making a mess since her stuff is no longer there. Her boyfriend snapped that it’s his house, not hers, and now this means she’s not overstepping.
She actually would be happy to clean every single day or cook for her boyfriend if he made her feel appreciated, but he doesn’t do that at all.
When he cooks, he only makes things for himself and will not offer any food to her. He never thinks about her or is sweet.
“I pay for 99% of takeout and always the groceries if we shop. So am I missing something? [Am I the jerk] for packing up and saying that’s not how I’m comfortable doing things? That we’re a couple, I’m not his maid?” she wondered.
She owns her own house, but she’s resigned to basically living in a frat house with a guy who just got out of jail and can’t show her any basic respect. Why is she with this guy? I’m failing to see any highlights or benefits.
I feel embarrassed for her.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
