This Twitter user, @AtomAtkinson, posted the most outrageous engagement announcement that was published in her parent’s local newspaper.
It begins like a typical announcement and introduces Dr. Matthew Johnson and Jennifer Bair Cullen– the happy couple.
They are planning to get married next February. It also dives into the couple’s backgrounds– Matthew is a professor, historian, and author, whereas Jennifer is a behavior specialist. It also mentions that Jennifer has a son named Colton.
This is where the announcement starts to take a turn.
First, the son Colton is said to be “thankful to his stepfather for the genuine loyalty, honesty, and protection that neither he nor his mother have ever known before.”
The sentiment may sound genuine at first, but the couple’s description of themselves becomes increasingly strange after that.
“As a diamond is produced only under intense heat and pressure, Jennifer’s beauty derives from enduring decades of narcissistic attempts to defeat her virtue and crush her spirit,” the announcement reads.
“These sociopathic attacks backfired. Matthew is ecstatic to be the only man adequately equipped to satiate Jennifer’s long-unsatisfied yearning for romantic attention, affection and love.”
That got very deep, very quickly. Matthew’s description afterward is just as puzzling.