He’s Thinking Of Ending Things With His Fiancée Because He’s Worried That He’s Been Doing All The Right Things With The Wrong Woman

A 33-year-old man is currently engaged to his 29-year-old fiancée, and he originally met her 4 years ago at a bar.

They’ve had a pretty amazing relationship so far and he has even saved his fiancée’s life once after she nearly drowned.

They also once got stuck up on a mountain but managed to survive that. They are always there for one another when life gets bad, and also when it gets good.

“This is someone I consider a true “significant other,” he explained. “Inside jokes, traveled afar, met all of the family members, etc.”

“We’ve built a very successful/ comfortable life together where she is rising up the ladder as an attorney, and I work as an engineer and we’ve grown our investments together.”

“I find her intelligent, kind-hearted/ caring, in good shape and we can talk about anything for hours.”

“Last year, perhaps in part due to societal pressures/ influences, I decided it would be the proper thing to do to propose and make this thing official.”

Lately, he’s been doing some legwork for their upcoming wedding, when he paused to think about the life that they are going to have after tying the knot.

He’s white and his family members are from Lithuania and Ukraine, whereas his fiancée is the first one of her family members to be born here in the United States instead of China.

paulaphoto – stock.adobe.com

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He’s not sure what their children will look like with this interesting ethnic background, and he’s starting to wonder if their children would struggle with their identity.

He’s worried that have children that are from mixed races and cultures might harm them in some way, but he’s never thought of this until now.

Also, his future mother-in-law doesn’t speak English really at all, and he’s not sure how that will play into things and if his fiancée’s family will in turn teach their children how to speak their language, which he cannot speak.

“Wouldn’t things be much simpler if I had set up a life with a woman of similar culture to mine?” he wondered.

“Who I didn’t have to worry about the languages in our home raising children? Who I don’t need to become accustomed to new traditions that I didn’t grow up with? I started to question if this is the right woman for a lifelong marriage.”

“Needless to say I’ve fallen into a massive depression thinking I may have spent the last 4+ years doing all the right things with the wrong woman.”

“However, just thinking about the idea of breaking up, the idea of hurting this wonderful human who’s dedicated herself to me as much as I to her, feels like a knife going through my chest.”

He is really struggling with what he should do, and if his concerns are real or just, well, him being influenced by what other people might say or think about their future family.

All this has caused him to spiral into a depression, and his fiancée is beginning to pick up on him not acting like he normally does.

He’s also starting to feel like he’s not so attracted to his fiancée, and he’s pulling back on the affection he shows her.

THANANIT – stock.adobe.com

Eventually, he spilled the beans to her on everything he’s worried about, and she was nothing but kind and compassionate about all of his worries.

His fiancée gets where he is coming from, but she does not feel that his concerns can’t be worked through.

His fiancée reassured him that their children would never need to learn how to speak Cantonese, and she’s positive that they can work together to find the best way to raise them to appreciate their roots.

Although his fiancée tried to ease his fears, he keeps having them, and he’s now focused on the potential problem of he and his fiancée potentially having to make changes to who they really are to make one another happy in a family setting.

He’s finding himself envious of people who are in a relationship that come from the same culture, and what if he’s making some kind of mistake with pursuing a family with his fiancée?

He does not know why he’s had such a change of heart, but if his heart is not all in on getting married, he’s doubting the fact that he should.

“To break up, beyond the grave emotional tailwinds, would be a nightmare to untangle our lives,” he said.

“Not to mention the humiliation with our friends and families. Also the torment it would cause her at age 29 to have to start her romance life over; it would be like I took away her best years and left her for dead.”

“Looking back I realize how selfish and ignorant I was to avoid this topic, to not ask myself these important questions early on, especially before proposing, but even if I did, my answers back then may have been different than they are today.”

He’s afraid that he’s simply settling for her and that she is not the perfect woman for him.

“The ultimate question here is should I enter the nightmare of a break-up for the small hopes of a better tomorrow or do I need to simply buck-up and fix my mindset?” he asked.

“In truth, I pray it’s the latter but can not avoid the reality of the former.”

What would you do in his shoes?

You can read the original post on Reddit here.

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