A 20-year-old woman is currently in a relationship with her boyfriend, who is a year older than her. She’s been with her boyfriend for the last several months, and overall, she’s happy with their relationship.
She likes being with her boyfriend, and he seems to genuinely care about her. She describes her boyfriend as attentive and supportive, but there’s something that he does that’s really beginning to make her feel bad.
“The only issue I have is that he sometimes makes comments/jokes about my appearance (outfits, weight, etc.) that make me feel like he doesn’t really like me, or they simply just hurt,” she explained.
Not too long ago when she was video calling him, he noticed that she had a milkshake that she was drinking, and he called her fat for it.
“Another example is when we were on the phone and he mentioned that he couldn’t take a picture because he looked ugly, to which I replied that I don’t date ugly guys (as a joke, though I don’t really believe that someone is ugly because of their appearance),” she said.
“He said that he also didn’t date ugly girls…until me. I got a couple of occasions where he straight up said I was ugly, or this one time when asked me to change my outfit before we went out.”
Although this is negatively impacting her self-esteem, she has not addressed any of this with her boyfriend yet.
She’s afraid that perhaps she’s reading too much into his jokes and that they’re not hurtful after all.
Part of what’s adding to her insecurities is that her boyfriend is extremely good-looking, and she believes that she’s not even close to being as attractive as he is and that he’s better than her.