This Stepdad Wants To Adopt His 8-Year-Old Stepdaughter But Not His 15-Year-Old Stepson
This forty-one-year-old man has been with his wife for five years and, two years ago, they got married.
His wife has two children from her previous marriage– James, who is fifteen, and Becky, who is eight.
He met the kids after dating his now-wife for about six months. Then, one year later, they all moved in together.
Since then, he has grown to have a great relationship with Becky– especially since her biological father has been absent for years. And just last month, she even asked him to adopt her.
“I thought it was incredibly sweet, and I was very moved. I have cared for her since she was very small, and she thinks of me like her dad. So, I, of course, said yes,” he recalled.
Once he began looking into the legal process of the adoption, though, his wife pulled him aside with a condition. Apparently, she believes that if he adopts Becky, he will also need to adopt James out of fairness.
But, he is vehemently opposed to adopting James and explained how their stepfather and stepson relationship has been turbulent from the start.
“He has never liked me and has no interest in bonding with me. He won’t come on one-on-one days out with me and will barely speak to me,” he said.
James also refuses to allow him to attend sports games, tell him about his life, or share his interests and hobbies.
sarymsakov.com – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purpose only, not the actual person
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Plus, the few times that he has forced James to go out together, the stepson apparently seemed like the “unhappiest kid ever.” In turn, he has just stopped pushing for a relationship with James and decided to leave him be.
So now, he believes James would never want to be adopted by him. He realizes that he is not James’ “dad” and thinks that James just thinks of him as his “mother’s husband.”
Nonetheless, after he tried to explain this to his wife, she became really angry and accused him of treating the kids differently. She even said it would be an act of exclusion, and that he was cruel, heartless, and not the man she thought he was.
Still, though, he does not know how to approach the situation. In fact, the thought of even asking James about the adoption is quite terrifying for him.
“I know he’s just a kid, and we have not even asked him if he wants me to adopt him yet. So, maybe this is a moot point anyway, but I don’t even want to offer because I just feel so uncomfortable,” he explained.
“Maybe I am a bad person. I mean, I love him on a familial level because he is my stepson, but I don’t feel connected to him.” Moreover, if James does say no, his wife says he can no longer adopt Becky– because apparently, that would still be unfair.
But, he believes that would be truly unfair to Becky. And now, he is not sure if not wanting to adopt James would be a truly awful thing to do.
Should this dad ask James about the adoption and, if so, how? If James says no to the adoption, do you think Becky should still be adopted?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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