10 Key Questions You Must Ask Yourself Before Walking Down The Aisle
Ever since we were little girls, Disney movies and fantastical children’s books taught us that marriage was the ultimate goal. Meeting a guy or gal, feeling completely swept off your feet, and having a built-in best friend for life sounds pretty great, right?
What these idealistic depictions of marriage failed to show, though, were all of the important building blocks that go into forging a solid partnership. And getting to a point where you and your partner can confidently say “I do”– and mean it for life– is not always easy.
This is not to say that marriage is not worth it. After all, most things in life that are truly fruitful do require a bit of elbow grease and effort beforehand.
Still, before you take the next step and actually walk down the aisle, it can be beneficial to take stock of your current relationship. So, here are 10 key questions to ask yourself before you tie the knot– concerning everything from personalities and commitment to expectations and support circles.
1. Are you and your partner a good fit?
This question may sound obvious, but while blinded by love, many people forget to actually take it into account.
Sure, you and your partner might have crazy chemistry and loads of fun together. But do your personalities really balance each other out?
Think about it this way: after marriage, couples tackle all sorts of highs and lows together. Of course, there may be seriously great times of prosperity and growth– like during a job promotion or the purchase of a new home.
But, there will inevitably be challenges– like loss, financial strain, or family strife.
nazariykarkhut – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
So, how do you and your partner each handle stress? Likewise, how do you both cope, comfort, and show empathy toward others? Understanding how you both would work together in all sorts of situations– both “good” and “bad”– is key for determining if marriage is the best next step.
2. Do you and your partner want the same things in life?
Of course, no two people are exactly the same. Your ultimate goal may be to start a business, while your partner might want to have kids.
But, a critical thing to figure out before marriage is whether or not you and your partner’s goals can work together– and how you can both make it happen.
For instance, if you are dead-set on living abroad but your partner wants to stay in their hometown, someone is bound to be disappointed. So, in these situations, you have to ask yourself if you are willing to compromise or if your goals are just non-negotiable.
3. Do you and your partner share a strong foundation of friendship?
Some couples meet very quickly, fall head over heels, and immediately want to tie the knot. And there is nothing wrong with that. However, being married is not always so electrifying. Instead, after you walk down the aisle, your two “normal” lives will merge together to form a new one that is still pretty “normal.” The only difference is you are navigating it with someone you love.
And while living your perhaps “mundane” day-to-day– whether that be paying the bills, going furniture shopping, or making dinner– you will want a friend by your side.
So, ask yourself if there is true understanding, loyalty, and companionship in your relationship aside from the buzzing romantic energy– because when push comes to shove, which is inevitable in life, you will want a true friend there with you.
4. Do you and your partner have realistic expectations?
This question can apply to your expectations of each other or your expectations of your life together. But both are equally important.
Say you and your partner want to achieve financial stability, have children, or travel the world. At the same time, you both value keeping a clean home, having pets, and making time for yourselves.
How can you possibly accomplish all of this without constantly getting into quarrels? By having realistic expectations that you discuss together.
If you both like a tidy house, for instance, you need to get on the same page in terms of “who does what.” Who will take care of the dishes, and who will mop the floors?
Likewise, when life throws a wrench in your schedule, and you are busy, or your partner is sick, who will pick up the slack and how?
It is important to be on the same page as your partner about what you want. However, it is equally critical that you both are flexible with your expectations and willing to problem-solve together when things don’t go as planned.
5. Do you and your partner work to keep the romance alive?
With all of this serious talk, you may think that marriage is devoid of fun and romance. But, the most successful relationships still manage to remain vibrant.
This cannot be accomplished by one person alone, though. Rather, both people have to dedicate themselves to making it happen. So, think about the last few months of your relationship. When have you gone the extra mile to make your partner feel special, and when have they?
This can be as simple as buying a bouquet of flowers or making a thoughtful home-cooked meal. Just remember, though, that these “little things” add up– and will keep your future marriage energetic, youthful, and exciting.
6. Do you and your partner try to see the best in each other?
When life gets chaotic, it can sometimes be easy to play the blame game. Maybe the laundry isn’t done, or the lawn still is not mowed.
In these instances, do you jump to getting angry at your partner, or do you try to understand what went wrong and work on fixing issues together?
How you emerge from these inevitable day-to-day problems will all come down to respect and how you view your partner. And, of course, how they view you.
So, before you walk down the aisle, be sure that you both actively work to see each other’s best qualities and intentions.
7. Can you and your partner speak freely with one another?
When it comes to sharing a life with someone forever, feeling embarrassed or awkward about broaching serious topics just will not fly.
This can lead to secrets, resentment, trust issues, and pent-up frustration. In turn, be sure that you feel comfortable talking about anything and everything with your partner before you tie the knot. At the same time, show your partner that they are able to do the same without fear of judgment or embarrassment.
After all, you both will have to navigate countless issues together. So, being upfront and on the same page is crucial if you want to be there for each other.
8. Are you and your partner dedicated to working through challenges?
It is inevitable to have misunderstandings and fights in all relationships– familial, friendly, and romantic.
But when these challenges arise, how will you and your partner handle them? Do you run at the sight of trouble, or do you double down to figure out solutions? At the same time, how does your partner respond to conflict?
It is completely unrealistic to believe that your marriage will be without its own roadblocks. So, try to understand how you and your partner can plan to resolve them together– and figure out if you both are dedicated to doing it for the long haul.
9. When things go sideways, do you and your partner pull each other through it?
Teamwork makes marriages work. So, similar to our last point, you and your partner should feel confident in teaming up and tackling hardships as a unit.
Yes, it is natural for people to cope with hardships in different ways– and that will not change when you get married. But, even so, spouses also have to pull each other through certain challenges sometimes. Maybe your partner is dealing with the loss of a loved one, or you just experienced an unfortunate job loss. Of course, both of these situations will have profound impacts on both of you.
However, recognizing when your spouse is down and pulling them through is a part of being a good partner. And making sure that both you and your partner understand this before tying the knot will be the difference that helps you both emerge from a tough time as a unified pair.
10. Do you and your partner have a good support system?
Marriage may be the commitment of two partners to each other forever. But only ever being around your partner is a surefire way to go insane. As humans, it is natural to need other forms of socialization. At the same token, it is also completely normal to become frustrated or even fight with those you spend the most time with.
So, before tying the knot, make sure you and your partner both have a good support system to lean on during times of upset or anger. Being able to discuss the challenges, as well as the triumphs, outside of your relationship can bring a lot of relief and perspective to your marriage at home.
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