Is It Possible To Be Friends With Someone When You’re In Different Stages Of Your Life?
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer.
How many of you watch TV shows like How I Met Your Mother, Friends, or New Girl? Hopefully, not just me – because I watch and rewatch all these shows religiously.
Why? Because I can relate. I’m sure, on some level, everyone can relate to the classic schtick of having a friend who is at a different stage of life than you. Perhaps you’re like me and have a few friends you’ve known for years, and they are still single while you are married with kids.
Even in my own life, I have a buddy who is not only 6 years younger than me, but he is single and parties every weekend while I am married. My wife refers to him as our adopted child. We are like a tricycle – we go out with him on the weekends and try our best to keep up despite the fact we can’t hang with him like that.
My point is it is perfectly natural to have a friend who is just at a different stage of life than you but is it really possible to be friends with someone in different stages of your life? I think it absolutely is, and here’s why.
Don’t get me wrong – friendships come and go. Often, friendships naturally fade when one friend moves to a different stage. For example, it’s common for friends to lose touch when one gets married or becomes a parent, or even moves to a new state for a job. However, that does not mean all friendships are like that.
It ultimately comes down to two things: flexibility and forgiveness in the friendship.
While flexibility is a necessary piece in any relationship, it is crucial for friendships to survive transitions of the stages of life.
Here is an example of flexibility: take my friend, Sam. He is single; he loves to have a good time on the weekends. He is in a band and lives a relatively carefree lifestyle. He’s very in the moment, and I love that about the guy. My wife and I are both 5-6 years older than him; we are married and naturally more homebodies than Sam.
Jacob Lund – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
How do we make this friendship work? Flexibility. We make sure to check in on each other’s life often. I don’t make the whole outing about marital life, and he doesn’t spend all his time talking about all the drinks he’s going to have over the weekend.
We find mutually enjoyable things to do and occasionally indulge in the other person’s lifestyle. Sam joins my wife and me on dinner and movie nights – something very mellow and relaxing. In return, a couple of weekends out of the month, we meet Sam at the bar and have a few shots, play some pool, and jam out. Finding a balance that acknowledges where each of you is in life will keep the friendship strong.
The second piece is forgiveness. When you and your friend are in different stages of life, plans will fall through. Maybe you’re a new parent, and your baby gets an eye infection, so you must cancel plans with your single friend. Perhaps that same single friend decides to skip out on your weekly coffee date to go to a last-minute concert. Having some forgiveness when plans fall through will do a lot for preserving unique friendships like these.
Sam and I are constantly canceling and rescheduling with each other, and we understand that we are just both in different stages of life. So we give each other a fair amount of grace and understanding. That is a big reason we are so close despite the age gap and stage of life.
So, what do you need to take away from this? Yes, you can absolutely be friends even if you are in different stages of life. All you need to do to make it work is: be flexible, be forgiving, celebrate your differences, and find common ground.
In the end, age and stage of life are irrelevant. None of that dictates true friendship. Respect where you are in life, and check in with each other as often as possible.
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