It’s Not That Difficult To Be In A Long-Distance Relationship, And Here Are Some Tips To Help You Succeed

The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer.
In my senior year of high school, I was dating a girl I really liked. We had been dating for almost 3 years and were convinced we would spend the rest of our lives together.
So when it came time to start applying to colleges, we applied to several of them together to increase the odds we would be accepted into the same college. Unfortunately, it would seem fate knew something we didn’t because we both ended up being accepted into different colleges. Furthermore, we were accepted into colleges several hours away from each other.
At this point, we had to have a serious discussion about the future of our relationship. Inevitably, the idea of a long-distance relationship was brought up. While I was open to the idea in the beginning, the closer we got to needing to make a definitive decision, the less optimistic I was that we could pull it off.
I had heard nothing but bad things about long-distance relationships, so I naturally decided it was best for us to part ways for the move to college. While that was – in the end – the best decision for both of us (we are both happily married now), long-distance does not have to spell the end of your relationship. It’s all going to come down to doing a few things right and not falling for some of the myths about long-distance relationships I bought into as a 17-year-old.
So first, let’s look at a few common myths surrounding long-distance relationships.
Myth #1: Believing “It’ll Never Work.”
When I asked some of my family about long-distance relationships, they all told me the same thing – “it’ll never work.”
As an educated and experienced relationship coach, I now know this is just not true. Long-distance is hard, but it is not as complicated as people make it out to be. The relationship will survive as long as you are excellent communicators and great at showing love and appreciation in multiple ways (FaceTime, Zoom dates, Emails, texting, etc.).

luengo_ua – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Myth #2: Long-Distance = More Likely To Cheat
This is simply ridiculous. While it may be easier to pull off cheating when you and your partner have a lot of physical space, this does not mean they are more likely to cheat.
Cheating stems from multiple problems in a relationship and individual issues that contribute to the affair. If you are dating a cheater, they will cheat whether they are 10 minutes or 10 hours away. Distance does not dictate faithfulness.
Myth #3: You Have To Talk CONSTANTLY To Make It Work.
There is a difference between wanting to talk to your partner every day and needing to. A long-distance relationship does not have to look like 500 texts, 3 calls, and a daily FaceTime to work.
You should be able to go a day or two without constant communication. You have a life and can live it, even if your partner isn’t there to live it with you.
Find a rhythm that works for you both, and go for it. There are plenty of other myths we could bust, but these are the big ones when it comes to people being against long-distance relationships:
-A fear of cheating occurring
-Thinking they will have to talk to make it work constantly
-Believing it is doomed from the start because you won’t see each other much
I’m here to tell you you can make a long-distance relationship work. I mean, it can even thrive if you do the right things.
To help you out, here are five tips to help your long-distance relationship succeed.
Tip #1: Communication is critical.
I don’t mean you need to talk every day. What I mean here is communicating clearly. After all, quantity is not quality; quality matters more when it comes to relationships.
Make sure before you jump into this long-distance relationship that you are your partner talk about the following:
-Setting boundaries for friends of the opposite gender
-Voicing likes and dislikes and making sure your partner understands these
-Setting expectations for how often and long texts, calls, video dates, etc., should be
If there are any other boundaries you would like to set with each other, talk them out immediately to minimize disagreements once you are away from each other.
Tip #2: Have consistent relationship check-ins.
Relationship check-ins are essential for any relationship, but even more so if the relationship is long-distance.
At the very least, you should be checking in monthly with your partner to do at least the following:
-Make sure everyone is happy with the boundaries, rules, and expectations that have been put in place
-See if anything needs to be changed
-Check in on the overall satisfaction of the relationship
-Make sure all needs are being met to the best of your ability
-Make sure you both feel loved and appreciated
Again, check-in styles and frequency can be negotiated based on what makes sense, but I highly recommend no less than once a month.
Tip #3: Set aside uninterrupted time for each other.
Whether it is a Zoom movie date, virtual coffee chat, or even a nightly FaceTime call before bed, sync your schedules and make sure you spend quality time together uninterrupted. No random calls or texting during scheduled time together.
Tip #4: Visit each other when possible.
This can look like this:
-Scheduling a joint vacay during holiday breaks
-Visiting during a long weekend
-Utilizing PTO (if you have it) to plan a visit
If one of you can make a surprise visit, take it. Try to use any free time you get to see each other when it makes sense for your schedules.
Tip #5: Keep things fresh and spontaneous.
Being spontaneous is hard when you are always several hours away from each other, but there are ways to use modern technology to your advantage. You can send steamy texts or plan a video date night where you both dress to impress.
The point here is to get creative and find exciting ways to keep the spark alive despite the distance. It can make the reuniting in-person part much better with all the buildup of visuals and auditory teasing. All you need to do to make a long-distance relationship work is treat it like a regular one. There isn’t much difference.
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