This Is Your Evergreen Reminder To Stop Feeling Guilty For Prioritizing Your Own Happiness
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer, Katharina Buczek.
You have to stop feeling bad for living your life and prioritizing yourself.
I know this can be tough to digest. As women, we are at even more of a disadvantage when it comes to accepting this idea.
From the time we were just little girls– in spite of changing societal norms– we were still exposed to notions that we were the caretakers.
We take care of our siblings, our partners, and, one day, perhaps our own children. At the same time, we are also expected to work, run households, and finish a laundry list filled with other responsibilities.
If this all sounds overwhelming– or if you are currently doing all these things and feel overwhelmed– you should not be shocked or feel like a failure.
“Doing it all” is unrealistic, unsustainable, and will only lead us to harbor negative feelings about both ourselves and those around us.
Still, it can be extremely difficult to break the cycle, to stop doing what you feel like you “should” be doing– regardless of whether those ideas come from other people or within yourself.
Rather than feeling bad for struggling under the pressure, though, you have to stop feeling bad about wanting to change your current situation. So, I am here to give you some reminders, reassurances, and a push to prioritize yourself.
luengo_ua – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Don’t Feel Guilty
If you feel like you need to cut some toxic people out of your life, stop feeling guilty about it. The length of your relationship, how closely your lives are already intertwined, the memories you share, and the love you feel for them just are not enough sometimes.
You have to remember that at the end of the day, your mental peace and comfort are more important. And you should never feel guilty about cutting someone out of your life who does not contribute to your overall well-being– because while you may be the person cutting off the relationship, they forced you to do so through their own choices, attitudes, and behaviors.
If you feel like you need to put yourself first, you should never feel guilty about that, either. First of all, you cannot be a fully present friend, partner, or parent without making sure your own needs are met first. Pouring from an empty cup is impossible.
So, stop listening to what other people think you should do or worrying about what others may think if you begin prioritizing yourself.
Only you have to live your life every single day, and only you can measure when your mental or physical health needs help. By practicing this self-awareness, you are being responsible– and that is nothing to feel guilty about.
In the process, you may feel bad for disappointing other people, sparking conflict, or simply having to say “no” sometimes. But you cannot let your fear of these situations paralyze you from making necessary changes in your life.
Sure, making a career swap, deciding to move, setting new boundaries, or realizing you need to make any number of other switches in your life may not line up with what your friend, parent, or partner believes is best. At the end of the day, though, you cannot worry about disappointing them.
It may sound cheesy, but it’s true: this is your only life. So what’s the point in pursuing other people’s ideas about how you should live out your existence if they only make you miserable? Your happiness is important, and you should never feel guilty for standing behind that.
On a similar note, saying “no” and making changes may spark conflict. When you stand your ground and state your needs, you might encounter pushback. And this can be terrifying– especially coming from the people who you love the most.
If prioritizing your happiness and communicating your needs makes your loved ones angry, though, that is far from your fault. And if that happens, you may need to reevaluate your inner circle to figure out who really has your best interest in mind.
At the same time, though, it is critical to remember that what makes you happy should never be a topic that leads to you feeling ashamed, put down, or disregarded. Those who truly love you will hear you, and they will help you along your journey– not fight you on your path.
With all of this being said, it may sound like I am telling you to be downright selfish– taking no one else’s concerns or needs into account. But, I cannot underscore more how far from the truth that is.
By staying true to yourself, you are simply refusing to be a doormat. Of course, you should continue showing respect, care, and empathy to those around you. At the same time, though, you have a right to make decisions for yourself; have needs, goals, and dreams that you feel empowered to fulfill.
So, if you feel like you have too much on your plate, like your mental health is suffering, or if you simply need change to reinvigorate your life, stop feeling guilty. And if you do not have a support system that makes you feel empowered and worthy of making yourself happy, quit feeling guilty for “disappointing” them.
You are not a disappointment, and sometimes, you just have to be your own biggest cheerleader.
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