Her Husband Said That He Wanted To Try Out No Longer Being Monogamous, But She Later Found Out He Had Already Cheated On Her With His Coworker
This 37-year-old woman and her husband, who is 38, have been together for 18 years and tied the knot 8 years ago.
However, throughout their relationship, her husband apparently developed some crushes on other women. She has developed crushes on other guys, too, but she maintained they were never serious.
But it appears that was not the case for her husband– because, recently, he has begun “toying” with the idea of no longer being monogamous and wants to see other people while remaining married to her.
Now, she realizes that she and her husband have been together ever since they were kids. And over the years, they have both grown and changed a lot.
“I want him to be happy, so it’s something I’m willing to let him explore, within reason,” she revealed.
“I don’t love it, but I love him enough to try.”
The real issue, though, is how the idea of being non-monogamous actually came up.
Her husband has a 30-something-year-old female coworker who he has become very close with. And as time went on, her husband started to spend more and more time with his coworker.
She could also just sense that he had a crush on the other woman.
ajr_images – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
“I’m not usually a jealous person, so I wanted until he came to me a few months ago to discuss it,” she recalled.
“That’s when the idea of [being non-monogamous] first appeared.”
Well, she came to learn that the feelings between her husband and his coworker are mutual. But even though her husband swore nothing had happened between them yet, he claimed his coworker was single.
He also knew that his coworker had been in similar open relationships before.
So, at that point, she just asked her husband to let her know before anything happened between him and his coworker. That way, they could talk about it first and be on the same page.
Her husband wound up agreeing to that, too and promised that he loved her. He also reassured her that their own relationship would not change.
Still, her husband and his coworker started to hang out more and more frequently– even when she wanted to spend time with him and preferred he take things slower with the other woman.
Regardless, her husband maintained that nothing had actually happened and that he and his coworker were just friends for the time being.
So, her husband and his coworker kept going back and forth between staying friends and pondering the idea of dating. And because of that, she never had any idea where they stood on the topic.
“It was driving me crazy. I wanted to sit down, all three of us, but the coworker kept making excuses,” she explained.
“I felt like I was the only one trying to establish any kind of communication and boundaries. It was making me more and more anxious until I finally confronted him about it last week.”
After that, she found out that something had actually happened between her husband and his coworker.
In fact, they kissed– and it was before her husband had even spoken to her about the possibility of being non-monogamous.
She also learned that her husband had been increasingly physically affectionate with the other woman– holding her hand, kissing her on the cheek, and hugging her.
According to her, her husband is quite “tactile.” But she believes that her husband knew just how upset and uncomfortable that would have made her.
That’s why she thinks that her husband deliberately kept the truth from her.
“They were basically dating the whole time, just without actually going to bed together,” she said.
And now, she feels completely heartbroken and betrayed. She really thought that she trusted and knew her husband.
On top of that, she was only open to his ideas of non-monogamy to make him happy.
Yet, he still ignored all of her feelings and still did whatever he wanted.
Her husband tried to defend himself by claiming that, ever since they moved across the country, he doesn’t really have any friends. However, he feels like his coworker is just “too important to give up,” which is why she cannot ask her husband to stop spending time with the other woman.
Despite that, she doesn’t understand how her own feelings play into this.
“Why am I the only one making sacrifices? How could he lie to me like that? Why doesn’t he care about my feelings at all?” she vented.
She’s also been left wondering what the heck to do now and whether or not her marriage can ever come back from this.
Is it fair that she feels like she has to fight for her husband’s time and loyalty? What about the fact that he lied to her, even after she was extremely understanding about him wanting to try out non-monogamy? How would you feel in this situation? Do you think her marriage is reconcilable?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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