Chip Chick
She’s also about to start a new job that will require her to bring work home to complete some evenings, but her fiancé wants to put restrictions around that.
She feels not valued and not treated well in this relationship, and that’s giving her cold feet about walking down the aisle.
“I am losing confidence that this marriage will work for us, especially if we have a child and the increasing responsibilities this will bring,” she said.
“I told him I left my family, friends, and job behind to move here and this was a sacrifice I made. He said he doesn’t see my uprooting as a sacrifice as I could easily pack up and go home. The true sacrifice would be when I have a job here, married him, and have had a kid.”
“He sees my sacrifice as his equivalent of spending 35k on the ring. He was divorced before and sought counseling before (his main reason being issues with relocating to a new city his then ex-wife disagreed with, but if they did counseling, I worry if the reasons he sought counseling are for the issues listed above in our current relationship).”
She finally told him about her concerns about getting married, and he requested that she think about this for the next month and then let him know if she really wants to call it all off.
He stated he doesn’t want to lose her, and so he will do everything it takes for their relationship to work.
In the meantime, their wedding invitations have been put on hold, and she’s conflicted about what the best thing to do is.
Although her fiancé is making changes to his behavior in a positive way, she’s not convinced he can keep it up after they get married. She’s worried his negative behavior patterns will return.
“Redeeming qualities: He says he loves me, he spent 35k on the engagement ring that he financially struggled to pay off,” she continued.
“He put in 40k towards wedding expenses, which he says is the bride’s family’s responsibility, but is willing to help out. He takes me to the clinic when I’m sick. He lets me choose where to go on date nights. He is flexible with cuisines when eating out. Takes trash out/carries heavy objects and groceries. Cleans bathroom, toilet, does dishes. Makes long-term plans for an apartment, concerts, games, etc.”
