She Has Gone On Four Dates With A Guy But Isn’t Feeling A Spark, So She’s Wondering If This Means She’s Leading Him On
This 28-year-old woman has gone on four different dates with a 27-year-old guy so far, and this has all occurred within about a month and a half time period.
This guy has a great job, he’s easy on the eyes, he is kind, and they get along wonderfully. She does also believe that they have values and life goals that are pretty similar, though they haven’t discussed deep topics yet like kids, family lives, and finances.
“The issue is I am feeling uncertain despite this, and I get the sense that he will be broaching the topic of exclusivity soon,” she explained.
“Getting together too fast when I was feeling ambivalent was an issue in my last relationship, so now I am less certain of my own judgment.”
“The dates have all been nice, but nothing overly romantic. It’s been stuff like coffee dates, hanging out at the park, watching movies at his house, and checking out our local arts district. I have a good time on the dates, and we never run out of things to talk about (although the conversations also aren’t particularly deep), but I am just not feeling that romantic spark.”
To her, their dates have felt as if she’s spending time with a friend and not a love interest. They did kiss on date two and have made out a little on other dates, but that is it.
She didn’t think the kiss or makeout sessions were awful, but she didn’t feel any longing for him or butterflies.
Next week, he wants to take her out to dinner at a fancy restaurant, and this will be their first super formal style date.
She’s pretty convinced that during dinner, he’s going to try to bring up being exclusive and getting committed, which is going to be tough for her to talk about.
Drazen – stock.adobe.com- illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
“I very deeply do not want to hurt anyone or lead anyone on. There is nothing he has said or done that has put me off, so I’m not quite sure why I’m not feeling head over heels here,” she said.
“I’ve heard some people say that when you’re really comfortable around someone, it will feel “boring” and that butterflies when dating are actually bad because it’s a sign of anxiety.”
“I also want to make sure I’m not falling into the “paradox of choice” that Hinge presents where I let go of something potentially great for the illusion of something better if I keep swiping.”
What does worry her is that her last relationship started in a similar way, and it ended in a nightmare situation.
She and her ex had a few casual dates within the span of about two months, and she didn’t think there was anything romantic about it. She also did not find herself feeling excited about him; she felt there was a comfort element.
Her last relationship was a waste of her time and really irritating to her, and she would have spared herself the misery if she listed to her instinct that her ex was not the man for her.
“Is it better to maybe ask him to take things slowly and see if this can develop some more?” she wondered.
“Or am I maybe overcorrecting for swipe culture and should move on faster from people who are fine on paper but don’t make me feel any “spark?”
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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