This 23-year-old woman has two sisters, and she’s the oldest.
She and one of her other sisters have moved out of their mother’s house.
Their mother was a single parent.
This year, her sisters told her that they were unhappy because they felt like she treated them as if they were her own children.
In their view, she is selfish and controlling when she’s around them, which stunned her because she’d never realized they felt this way.
“I told them because of the single-parent household and other things going on, I felt like I had to be a third parent and be overprotective of my siblings, cook, clean, and be basically the perfect example for them, all while being needless/wantless for my mother’s sake,” she said.
She told her sisters she was sorry for her behavior, and she requested that they point out when she’s making these mistakes.
Also, she asked for particular examples of things she’s done in the past that she can correct right away and never repeat moving forward.
“It’s gotten so bad now that one sister is no longer talking to me (she said she hasn’t forgiven me yet), and the discussion has been brought up to my mother, who feels disrespected by how I view my sisters and my overall upbringing,” she explained.
When they were children, their father was present early on. However, their mother and father’s relationship was a roller coaster, and they eventually went through a messy separation and divorce.
All of the tension between their parents began when she was 8, and they divorced when she was 12.
Because she was the oldest, she understood what was happening more than her younger sisters did.
Plus, her parents shared details with her about their divorce that she was too young to be hearing. Her mother vented to her about the drama, while her father told her “secrets” that he asked her to keep.
Throughout her parents’ separation and eventual divorce, she felt like she was caught between the two of them.
After their parents divorced, their father saw them over the weekends.
He told her constantly that because she was the oldest, it was her responsibility to set a good example for her sisters and watch over them.
“So, that is always what I’ve known to do. On days that my mother had to work late, I was the one making sure dinner was made, chores were done, and we were bed by a good time. I’ve sacrificed key experiences growing up, such as dating, my senior trip, and sports, so my mom wouldn’t have to stress emotionally, financially, or getting me from A to Z,” she shared.
Over the years, she always told her mother that she knew she did her best to take care of them, and she made a vow to do the same for her mother in the future.
Now, she’s confused about why her family is so upset with her.
This year has been a pivotal year for her because she’s been going to therapy and recovering so that she can work on herself.
She’s already been going through a lot, and it doesn’t help that her family has been angry with her, telling her that she’s changed and is now a “terrible person.”
Her family claimed that they weren’t trying to make her sad, but their words stung just the same.
While in therapy sessions, she called her sisters to say sorry, acknowledging that as a child, she was a stern sister and enforced a lot of rules. On these calls, she expressed how horrible she felt for how she treated them in the past.
She’s depressed that her sisters are closer to each other than she ever was with them.
Until her sisters confronted her, she assumed that things were improving.
Even though she knows she will always care about and love her sisters, she also hopes that they will be able to see her perspective and how she was impacted by their parents’ divorce as a child.
What advice would you give her?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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