He Doesn’t Support His Wife Going Away On A Work Trip Because He’d Be Left Caring For Their Three Kids By Himself, And His Wife Accused Him Of Being Controlling And Unsupportive Of Her Career
This 36-year-old man’s wife, also 36, is a high school language teacher.
She has the opportunity to travel to another country for two weeks with her students as a study abroad trip.
If his wife goes on this trip, he’ll have to take care of their three children (10, 7, and 5).
Luckily, his parents will be available to come over and help him during these two weeks.
However, he’s completely unsupportive of this idea, and he and his wife have been constantly arguing over it.
“From her perspective, she wants to be a good teacher and build her language program,” he said.
This would be a great chance for her to persuade more students to continue studying the language she teaches instead of pursuing a different language because she’s concerned about declining enrollment in her classes.
A new teacher is going on the trip, and she feels like she should go with them since she is the more experienced teacher.
During their arguments, she asked him to support her and her career decisions.
Photo 119014940 © Roman Samborskyi – Dreamstime.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
In his view, this trip would be unnecessary for her because it’s elective for students.
Plus, it’s never been a requirement for her to travel abroad in the more than 10 years that she’s been a teacher.
His wife pointed out that this is a reason why she should go.
He responded that there is probably another teacher available to go in her place, and someone would probably be willing to volunteer since the trip would be free and the teachers would be paid for it.
So far, it’s never seemed like a hindrance for his wife as a language teacher to miss trips abroad.
“I am the primary breadwinner, making six times her salary, and I told her looking after three children while juggling the demands of my job is too stressful. Also, I would miss her terribly and would have a hard time handling the stress of my work and raising kids by myself. I reminded her that we agreed that I focus on making money and she focuses on childrearing so I could pay for the private schools, vacations, and nice things that she wants because I am a man with simple needs,” he explained.
Then, he brought up the idea of her being a stay-at-home mother, and this angered her.
His wife called him “controlling” and was upset that he didn’t support her career.
Throughout their marriage, they have rarely fought, but this current issue doesn’t seem like it’ll be resolved anytime soon.
In his wife’s opinion, it shouldn’t be a problem for her to be gone for two weeks, but he’s been anxious at the very thought of it.
“The children have never been separated from her for over a day. I would have to take a two-week vacation, which means no family vacation this year,” he shared.
He clarified that he has six weeks of vacation time, so his family would only be losing out on part of the time they’d spend on vacation.
Upon reflection, he wondered if he was being a jerk, so he texted his wife and told her that he would give her the go-ahead to attend the trip and he would support her in her decision.
She texted back and was shocked that he had only just come to the realization that he was “bossy.”
After being criticized as a “checkbook daddy” and a man on a power trip, he pointed out that he grew up in poverty and his mother was a babysitter.
Because his mother worked so often, he only saw her about once a week, and he suffered trauma due to the lack of interaction with her.
As an adult, he has worked hard for financial stability so that he can provide his family with everything they need and want. He also thinks it’s important that his wife is a present mother to their children.
He thinks it’s relevant to bring up his income because he has been able to use that money to pay for their children to attend private lessons and camps, and he was able to hire a maid.
The maid alleviates a lot of stress from his wife, and his income has allowed for his wife not to feel constrained by a grocery budget. They don’t have a limit to spend on a ton of things that a lot of families usually have to.
He added that his wife constantly tells him that she’s grateful for how successful he’s been in his career.
“It’s ridiculous that a man can’t feel proud of that and take some credit,” he continued.
After thinking it over, he realized that he had become quite privileged and a bit of a jerk.
Do you think he was wrong for fighting with his wife about taking a trip abroad for work?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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