While His Late Wife Was Battling Cancer, She Made Him Promise To Take Care Of Her Daughter, Who Has Down’s Syndrome, But Now That His Grief Has Cleared, He’s Breaking His Promise
Two months ago, this 55-year-old man’s wife, 56, tragically passed away from cancer. For his wife’s entire life, she took care of her now 30-year-old daughter (his stepdaughter), who has Down’s Syndrome.
Her daughter has never been able to live on her own, and she’ll never be able to. She also struggles to control her emotions.
He has been a part of his stepdaughter’s life since she was 5 years old, and he clarified that he was never a cruel or cold stepfather.
“I spent years fearing the day when she was physically developed to the point where punches, scratches, and throwing things were a real threat,” he said.
“Once that happened, all of my wife’s friends stopped visiting our house. One of them even said that her uncle deals with vicious dogs for a living, and she feels safer around his workplace than at our house.”
Unfortunately, he had to go to the doctor many repeatedly because he was in the room with his stepdaughter, and she tried to bash his head in, throw something heavy at him, or attempt to choke him when he was asleep.
The only person who succeeded in getting his stepdaughter to relax was his late wife. After his wife received her cancer diagnosis, they hired caregivers for his stepdaughter.
“THEY would be asking ME whether I could enlighten them on a better way to explain things to my stepdaughter when she was going ballistic,” he explained.
“Even they, who were used to explaining things to people who just didn’t get things, were still struggling and asking for insight. When my late wife was first diagnosed, the first word out of her mouth was my stepdaughter’s name.”
nyul – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Each day, his late wife sobbed because she was so worried about what was going to happen to her daughter if she wouldn’t be around any longer to take care of her.
Due to her despair, she asked her medical team to continue chemotherapy even though it wasn’t working anymore. She then tried alternative medicine to see if that would help her, but it only worsened her health.
Throughout this painful time, his late wife constantly told him that if her daughter was able to work and be independent as an adult, she would have stopped her cancer treatment.
It was understandably difficult for her to cope with the fact that when she passed away, her daughter would no longer have her as a caregiver and support system.
“On her deathbed, she made me promise not to let her fall into the hands of a state care facility. I promised her because I didn’t have the heart not to. But now, after my grief fog has cleared two months later, my stepdaughter remains the same. She doesn’t understand her mom is dead–only that she’s gone and is angry at me for it. Saying she’ll be good, so bring her back,” he shared.
Sadly, hiring a caregiver is incredibly pricey, and he doesn’t have a lot of money. While he didn’t mind paying medical bills for his wife, he admitted that he felt resentment toward his stepdaughter. He has adult children, and they refuse to come to see him if his stepdaughter is present.
In his view, if he hadn’t promised his wife that he would provide care for his stepdaughter, he wouldn’t feel any guilt about the choice he wanted to make.
Now, he’s planning to go forward with putting his stepdaughter in a state-run care facility. Even if he wanted to avoid this, he wouldn’t have been able to pay for it. His late wife left him all of her money, but he still wouldn’t have enough to afford other caregiving services.
Once he made this plan, family members shamed him, claiming that he was an “evil stepdad” and “a mother’s worst nightmare.”
What would you have done if you were in his shoes?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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